Chin Music

Car Talk

2010-05-05T15:56:00.004-04:00

Maverick is probably the most cautious and safe driver I have ever ridden in an automobile with. Every little stray leaf on the windshield, hood, windshield wipers or windows removed from the car before it's even started, so they will not begin to hinder your view. Check. Going the speed limit and not one mph over. Check. Emergency brake set each and every time you park. Check. Basically, if it's in the driver's education handbook Maverick follows it.

Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with his driving habits. Far from it. One could not possibly feel any safer with him behind the wheel. Good for me and any potential unborn HeraMavericks. In fact the only item about Maverick and automobiles that one would ever have to worry about is his temper with other drivers, and rampant use of the horn/middle finger.

He might be the best driver ever, but I am by no means the worst. Not the best, not the worst. I may have five speeding tickets, a careless and imprudent driving ticket, a failure to stop at a sign sign ticket and a wreck that was never claimed to the police or insurance on my record, but I'm hardly the worst driver on the planet.

However, typing out those infractions I do realize that my argument might not be as solid as I thought it was! I would like to point out that none of those traffic violations have ever made it to my official record though. I guess being a woman and batting your eyelashes can have its advantages when plea bargaining with prosecuting judges and attorneys!

I'm not sure if it's because of his knowledge the aforementioned traffic incidents or his miraculously by the book driving, but three out of five times when I'm behind the wheel of an automobile, and Maverick is in the car, I get some form of "you suck at driving" type of comment from him. You know the kind--"slow down", "look out", "stay back", etc.

It makes me crazy!

Does your significant other give you passenger seat driving lessons, too? Does it make you insane?

Facebook Delusions

2010-03-21T18:04:00.003-04:00

Do you have that one Facebook "friend" who is so self-centered and delusional that you just want to come through your computer screen, pop out in their living room and smack them every time they update their status? No? Well, I do.

This particular "friend" makes a post at least three times a week complaining about how fat they are. How they can't lose a pound. Nothing fits. They can only eat "794 calories per day"..........Only this person is actually about 5'3" and maybe weighs 120 pounds.

It takes everything I have not to go off whenever I read one of these posts!

A) Get a mirror.
B) Get over yourself.
c) Stop fishing for compliments.

Definition of the Highest Quality

2009-12-02T11:12:00.005-05:00

With a deal just too mind blowing to pass up, Maverick and I purchased ourselves an early Christmas gift to each other--a 46" Sony LCD HDTV. It was 43% off retail plus it came with a free $300 Blu-ray player!

I always looked at new TVs in the store and thought "it's looks nice enough, but I don't really see the big deal or a big difference between that and our old TV". That was until this purchase. We got the TV home, hooked it up, got the HD signal and proceeded to turn on a hockey game. My exact reaction was, "WOOOOOAAAHHHHHHHH..........(jaw drop, sit and stare in silence)".

I am officially in love!

The Little Things

2009-11-02T12:33:00.012-05:00

Sometimes I need to acknowledge just how lucky I am to have Maverick in my life. I love him, and he knows that, but as far as significant others go, I don't think he's aware that I'm pretty sure I won uber lottery when I (somehow) landed him.

He would do anything for me. His spends so much of his time making sure that I am happy. When I'm sitting on the couch watching TV and he walks by on his way to the kitchen to get a drink, not only does he ask every single time if I'd like something too, but eight times out of ten he stops and gives me a quick unsolicited kiss as he passes by. He helps me perform the household chores without being asked. He puts his hand on the small of my back to lead me through a crowd. He grabs me by the back of my shirt and pulls me to a stop when I'm not paying attention and about to get hit by a car in the Wally World parking lot. He lets me be in charge of the remote control. He sends me alerts to big shoe sales of my absolute favorite brand, even though he hates how many pairs of shoes I already own. He holds me and lets me cry when I'm sad, or when I'm crying simply because I dropped the can of green beans I just opened all over the kitchen floor. He even anticipates my needs before I do.

Picture it:

Hera and Maverick's apartment on a fall Sunday morning circa 2009.

Both are tired and hungry, but too lazy to cook or to get dressed to go to a restaurant. Maverick offers to run out and bring home some breakfast for them. Hera says she's "not really that hungry and would just like an order of hash browns".

Maverick returns with the yummy breakfast. Hera enjoys the hash browns immensely, but finds herself still a little hungry once they're all gone. She sits, not saying anything, just thinking, "hm, I should have had him get something else".

Maverick nonchalantly looks at her and says, "you're still hungry, huh?".

"Yeah".

Maverick answers, "I thought that might happen", and hands her a breakfast burrito from the bag of food. "So I got you this, too".

Just What The Dr. Ordered

2009-10-23T12:33:00.014-04:00

I love my best friend. Dearly. She was sent to me straight from heaven. She always makes me smile, gives me good advice, provides me with hours of entertainment and when I'm in the middle of a week of depression and gloom, filled with lots and lots of tears (such as this week), she emails me the following poem:

Hera is my friend

I will not Lie

It breaks my heart

to see her cry

Enough with negativity

suck it up now

or I will kick you in the pee pee

find a new job

this I say

you will be happy on a different day

trivia night will be a hoot

so get it together or I will poot

Just the laugh I needed. Love you bestie!

UPDATE -- It turns out she emailed a little poem to Maverick as well.

Maverick o Maverick
seems your girl
is in the dumps
kind of like oatmeal
when full of lumps
I would like my Hera
happy and fun
so please go home
and give her some

Seriously. I love her. Too funny!

Grapes of Wrath

2009-10-23T12:19:00.003-04:00

In the past I've really only been a social wine drinker. Meaning when I was around sophisticated folks, such as Maverick's family, I would say I love wine and only have one tiny glass claiming to be "a cheap date", thus limiting me to the one tiny glass. In reality, I just only sort of liked the taste of wine and one glass was my taste bud limit. However, over the last year or so I've really ventured out of my adult beverages bubble and tried many more wines. I've learned that I truly love many varieties and find myself wondering what my next glass of wine will be at very random times, such as sitting at my desk on Friday afternoon and not wanting to work at all. So here's to you my newest obsession....wine.

Any suggestions for a good bottle to try this weekend?

Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

2009-10-13T13:25:00.005-04:00

Like many Americans I am a sports lover. I thoroughly enjoy watching pretty much every sport known to man. Well, that is pretty much every sport except golf. Watching golf is worse than watching paint dry. Playing golf is a great way to spend ones day. Hours and hours of enjoyment can be had on the links. Hitting a tiny little ball around a beautifully manicured course in the open air is quite lovely. However, watching someone else play golf on a television for four hours is this girls version of waterboarding. But back to my love of sports. My idea of a perfectly lovely day is plopping down on the couch with some snacks and playing armchair coach for awhile.

While I love all sports, one will always reign supreme for me. That's right, America's Pastime, baseball. Any team, any game, any player, I like to watch. However, only one team will ever hold my true love. I live for this team. I breathe for this team. I get so much joy from watching them play.

The only down side to this love is that I also get so much displeasure from watching them lose. It seriously affects my mood. Even now, three whole days after the team was mercilessly and lifelessly swept out of the playoffs, I'm still mad at them. And I sit and I wonder how can I let a professional sports team break my heart so badly?

Who Does That - Part XXIV

2009-10-05T15:17:00.004-04:00

Seen at a pre-season game for the local professional football team:

The People Against Improper Sporting Event Attire present:

Exhibit A -- The refusing to grow out of his undergrad, immature fraternity days guy who not only obnoxiously cheers for the opposing team, but is also seen wearing a jersey in support of his favorite player, Joe Horn, which he's altered by handwriting a Y after the word horn.

Exhibit B --The refusing to grow out of his undergrad, immature fraternity days guy's girlfriend who is seen at the football game in three inch (clear) heels and some sort of fish net shirt.

Who does that?

Previously on Chin Music

2009-10-05T14:33:00.009-04:00

When last we saw Hera she was quickly approaching her first 5K, getting healthy and enjoying her wonderful summer. Let's look in on her and get a quick update on the happenings of her life since she left us over three months ago.

The 5K was quite a success. Hera achieved her first and foremost goal of completely running the entire race (no walking!) with no problem whatsoever. With over 8,000 participants the start was very congested, leaving her in the middle of the pack and unable to break free and hit her stride until the second mile. While she did not reach her secondary goal of crossing the finish line under a certain time, she was not far from it at all. She left the race with the biggest since of accomplishment, pride at setting out to do something so far from her norm and conquering it, and a indescribable joy at the sight and sound of watching so many others with the same smile and sense of accomplishment that day. She looks forward to her next race.

Hera spent the summer very busy at work. She was slammed with several new and very important projects as part of the company for which work's merger with another company. That merger was completed last week and many exciting things lie on Hera's horizon, including a new position within the company. This new job should allow her to finally take the next step forward in her career that she's been looking for. Many great changes await her in the coming months, and she is quite excited to meet the challenges.

Hera and Maverick took a much needed vacation aboard a fabulous cruise ship for a week of sun and fun in the Western Caribbean. It was by far the most amazing vacation either of them have ever had. They experienced beautiful waters, interesting cultures, indulging at a 24-hour ice cream machine, swimming with sting rays, great food, delicious cocktails, indulging at a 24-hour ice cream machine, meeting lots of fun new people, feeding a monkey, great food, touring Mayan ruins, delicious cocktails and indulging at a 24-hour ice cream machine.

Now that we've ran through a quick update of Hera's recent activities, let's return to our regularly scheduled check ins on her current antics.

Run Hera Run

2009-06-23T23:13:00.011-04:00

Just had to share a quick update. Personal goals in my life are being reached and I couldn't be happier.

I'll start with a little bit about my quest to take up running. I've been on the Couch to 5K plan for awhile now. Currently, I'm on week seven of nine. The plan is designed to follow either by time or distance. I chose time, since as a beginning runner I figured the first step should be to build my body up to the sustained high impact of running. I wasn't overly concerned with the distance I ran in the allotted time, just that I did it. However, I did track my distance, so I could chart my progress and know how much I needed to improve once I hit the distance portion of the training.

So for the first few weeks I just ran or walked for whatever the program time called for. My best mile per minute time during week one was 14 minutes and 10 seconds. As of yesterday that time was down to 10 minutes and 24 seconds per mile. Down almost four minutes in just over six weeks! With a little over two weeks left to train--all running, no more walking at all--I'm beginning to have a glimmer of hope that maybe I can reach my ultimate goal of finishing the 5K in under 30 minutes. (First goal is just to finish, second goal is to finish in under 30 minutes.)

One other great note to share: A year ago when I went to the junk doctor for my annual checkup my blood pressure was very borderline high. I don't remember the exact number, but it was something like 145 over 90. My doctor was very concerned and questioned whether or not to put me on medication to regulate it. Both of my parents and my brother are all on blood pressure medication, so I was a little scared of my hereditary destiny.

I walked out of the doctor's office that day and gave up caffeine cold turkey.....from four or five Mt. Dews a day to nothing. First I went to Sprite and other caffeine free sodas. In recent months though, I've really just been drinking lots of water and Gatorade, and really only have one or two Sprite Zeros a week. I was never a person who added salt to my food, but never thought about the natural level of sodium in foods. I do now. Cut out lots of other crap, too. Took up frequent exercise--three to four times per week. All of those changes, along with the recent running venture, have certainly done the job! I went back for my annual checkup today and the blood pressure was down to 114 over 70! So stoked! No meds for me!

Jonesing

2009-06-11T16:28:00.005-04:00

Earlier in the spring Maverick and I ventured off to Chicago for a weekend getaway. Outside of layovers in O'Hare, this was the first experience in The Windy City for both of us. We had an absolutely fantastic time. It was great to get away from reality, if only for 48 hours, and experience a new city together.

We shopped a tad on Michigan Avenue. We took a tourist trap architectural tour of the city via boat through the Chicago River. Which, even though the guide was a little obnoxious in her overly cute speech, was actually was a quite interesting and informational little view of the city, especially if you don't have a lot of time to see it. We met up with a college friend for brunch at a fantastic Southern style restaurant. It was heralded as one of Oprah's favorite joints, and being that I can't stand Oprah I was skeptical. It was phenomenal though.

We took in a Cardinals/Cubs game at Wrigley, and sort of delighted in the physical dump nature of the place. The nostalgia is there, but the place is actually a dump. Don't get me wrong, Wrigleyville is freaking fantastic. The stadium, however, blows. Not enough bathrooms, not cleaning the place between games, falling concrete, Old Style (who in the hell drinks that crap?) and poles in your way. If you really want to see an old park, I suggest you skip Wrigley and go straight for Boston. Fenway is a religious experience for any baseball fan.

Sorry for the tangent. Back on track....

We hung out with an old co-worker after the game at one of the bars in Wrigleyville, and mingled with the locals. That was lots of fun. We stayed in a cute little boutique hotel downtown. We enjoyed the fruits of an adequate public transportation system. I was kind of mesmerized by the elevated train system, particularly in The Loop. This also provided great rain protection on Sunday.

All of these wonderful memories from that weekend and pretty much the one and only thing we talk about now is the pretzels we had at dinner one night. We were told to try this place by several people, so we figured it had to be good and said "let's go". We ventured off to said pub, Elephant & Castle. Let me start by saying that every single thing we ordered was outstanding. However, everyone who recommended this place said, "you have to get the pretzels!". Let me assure you, they were not joking. Almost two months later and I still crave them.

They were so soft, moist, and unlike any other pretzel I've ever tasted. I have zero clue if the dough is that much different, or if they're basted in some sort of flavored butter, but whatever it is, it rules. The dipping sauce served with them is a Bass Ale Mustard sauce. The whole combination is orgasmicly good.

I've really been wanting pretzels today and sitting at my desk right now, this special little yummy gift of goodness is pretty much all I can think about.

I've discovered that Elephant & Castle is small chain across America and Canada. It looks to only be in very large cities. According to their website one of those cities is Boston. I'm not sure how we've never seen it before since it's right near all of the things we usually do there, but I know exactly where we're going the next time we go up to The Hub to visit Maverick's parents and brother!

Preeeettttt-zels! Preeeeetttt-zels!

Note: The preceding sentences should be read aloud like Cookie Monster says "Coooooooo-kie".

Hera Mifflin Infinity

2009-06-03T15:34:00.009-04:00

Once or twice a year my employer holds what are essentially feedback sessions. One or two staff members from each department are sent as a representative of their office to the discussion group. The idea of the forum is that mid to lower level staff members are given the opportunity to meet with the president of the organization and the head of Human Resources and discuss any items they would like to see changed, are concerned about, have questions regarding, etc. without fear of their immediate supervisor being present, should they have the desire to air a concern about their boss/department. If the item at hand is deemed appropriate to take action or discuss with other upper level management staff members, it is then taken back to their monthly meetings and discussed without mention of the staff member who brought it up.

In theory it's a good idea and it works...most of the time. I have seen it backfire on staff members though. Their name was in fact brought back to their boss and it wasn't exactly a pretty situation. No one was relieved of their job out of it, but things were definitely tense for awhile.

Given that, when I was designated to represent my department at the last panel I sat tight lipped throughout the entire meeting. One idea was presented though that I thought was a rather good one. A suggestion box could be placed in each office location so that staff members can leave items they would like to see addressed while truly remaining anonymous.

Yesterday I went to the mail room as I needed to check my office mail and also make some copies. Upon my entry into the room I noticed the above idea had been put into place.

Behold (names and logos have been blacked out):

Up close and personal:

Your eyes are not deceiving you. It is in fact a shoe box covered in construction paper, Scotch taped down (on the front of the box), hand-written in pen, with a free-form square cut out for the oh so inviting place to "drop your ideas here". Not to be missed--hiding under that big blacked out square in the lower right hand portion of the box is the company logo cut out of construction paper and drawn on in pen as well.

I've said in the past that I really do like my job. Like everyone else in the world, I do have days that are very frustrating and stressful, but overall I'm happy. I like my boss/Vice President very much, I have two great friends on the staff (one is leaving in a week though, boo!) and am uber thankful to have employment that provides food and shelter.

However, there is one particular VP in the organization (not my own boss) who is just in a class all their own. Now I can't say that I saw this suggestion box being made or know for certain who made it, but I have a very strong inkling whose idea it was and which department it came from. The aforementioned VP comes to mind. After all, this is the same VP who has given us things such as the Going Green Committee, the Safety Committee, the Fun Committee (yes, a real thing), a team building rah-rah breakfast that was not only funded by the staff members but also cooked by staff members in our board room during what should have been productive office hours, and even Diversity Day.

Yep, there's a VP in my organization who HAS to be a direct descendant of Michael Scott.

Where Did That Come From?

2009-05-29T12:02:00.003-04:00

Just got the final results in the "Biggest Loser Challenge" I was competing in with my friends. I've been leading the last two weeks, working my butt off (literally) and even managed to drop two more pounds in the last two days, but somehow lost. To the person who was in third place just two days ago!!! How does that happen?

I'm pissed.

Don't worry, I can hear you through the interweb. I can hear you saying, "but Hera, look at what you've done in the last six weeks. You lost 15 pounds. Started running. It's so great........Blah, blah, blah."

Bite me.

Apparently, I do have a competitive bone in my body. Not sure when that happened.

These Are The Days of My Life

2009-05-28T22:11:00.010-04:00

Let's face it, we all know I spend a good portion of my blogging time ranting and raving about something and not a lot of time commenting on the goings on in my life. So tonight I thought I'd shake things up a little and take some time for an overall update.

I've been fortunate enough to gain some new readers in the last few weeks/months. Some of you have inquired about the reasons for the anonymous status of my posts. The answer to that question is two-fold. A) There are weird ass creepers in the world. Unlike FB and other social sites on the interweb, Blogger doesn't have an abundance of privacy controls. Now I realize no matter how much I try to protect myself on FB, if someone wants to see my profile they will find a way. (Not that I put anything too specific on those sites though.) But at least I can feel better and make some attempt to control who can and cannot see my stuff. With Blogger there's really no way to do this. At least not that I've seen, or when I set this thing up. B) In the beginning this was sort of a way to vent about the job I had at the time and the things that were driving me mad there. While I have since moved to another city and am in a new job that makes me pretty happy (most days), like everyone and their job I still have days that rile me up and I have been known to use this little blog to vent about it. Thus the anonymity. It's been going for so long now that it's just become it's own little blogging thing.

When we last heard from me I had just begun my quest to train for my first 5K. At that time I was just entering week two of the Couch to 5K program. I have now completed week three and will have my first week four session when I run tomorrow. So far, so good.When I've ran in the past I've had problems with shin and knee pain after only a few sessions. This time I have really great running shoes--my Nike+ shoes, which I love so much. My little Nano and me use the Couch to 5K podcast and just go. It's great to see how I'm progressing on time and distance, too. This time around I also have the benefit of easy access to a great park with awesome running trails. This particular park has paved trails and trails like this. I think you call that chat. Yes? Anywho, it's basically finely ground gravel. You can tell it feels a little spongier when your feet hit. I've determined that running on pavement is super hard on my legs and running on this stuff is way better. Probably all in my head, but it's helping me keep my mental state and keep going. So woo-hoo for those trails! Also, it's crazy how quickly you notice your body change through running! Which brings us to.....

About two months ago my best friend, her boyfriend and several other great friends came to visit for the weekend. An unbelievably fun weekend I might add. She, her boyfriend and several other friends talked me into participating in our own "Biggest Loser Challenge". I was pretty happy with the weight I saw on the scales then, but like everyone knew dropping a few pounds couldn't really hurt. Thankfully, when Maverick and I got our Wii Fit it didn't tell me I was obese. Rather, it was just above the normal BMI. Although, that little bitch of a Wii Mii shook her little head and cried when she told me I was "overweight". I believe "bite me you little asshat!", were my exact words at that moment. Back to my point--I was at a good weight, but like most Americans could stand to lose a few pounds. Between eating very, very well and my running I've dropped 15 pounds in this competition. As of yesterday morning I was leading. Final weigh in is tomorrow and hopefully I'm victorious. At $2o per person to enter there's a lot of money on the line! Which will be very handy for......

Maverick and I have booked a seven night Western Caribbean cruise for a much needed vacation away and birthday celebration for yours truly. Sidenote, yes, I'm turning 25........again! And you people go getting any ideas and start planning for any sort of different number type activities on this birthday. Maverick and Mama Hera have been well informed that no such thing is allowed. That particular day does not exist on the calendar this year. Hah. The cruise will be my third and Maverick's first. I'm really excited. I love the Caribbean and in my last few trips have done an all-inclusive resort. It'll be nice to shake it up, and to enjoy sharing something I love so much with him. Now I just have to do the "please no hurricanes that week" dance.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend as it holds lots of planned activities for us. As some of you know, Maverick works in the front office (group sales) for one of the city's professional sports teams. The team is currently in the middle of their regular season. His job means he has to work every home game. The team's recent schedule means he had to work the last 19 days straight. This will be our first weekend together in three weeks. Lots of errands to complete--grocery shopping and the like--and then date night planned for both nights of the weekend. Should be lots of fun.

My mom's family has a big reunion every other year. It's a Catholic family, so there are many of us, and there are plenty of characters in her family to enjoy! I adore my parents, brother and sister-in-law and (most of) my cousins. There is a pretty good group of us who love each other very much and have the best time when we get together. Hours of beer consumption and yummy food intake, whilst laughing our heads off makes for a good time. It sounds so cheesy, but I really look forward to this hootenanny, as we've come to dub the reunion. Living away from them and missing them can be hard, so we make the most of the several times a year we get together.

Work is going to be very interesting in the coming months. The organization I work for just agreed yesterday to merge with another organization in the city. Now comes all the work of moving forward and developing all the plans, moves and necessary changes to make this happen by the projected end of July deadline.

And there you have it. The (recent) days and times of Hera.

Commitment

2009-05-18T19:54:00.005-04:00

I exercise.

I go for brisk walks.

I use cardio machines at the gym.

I use my Wii Fit.

I kickbox.

I, however, AM NOT a runner.

Something inside me though has long had a desire to show I can conquer my fitness wall and train for, and complete, an actual race. My ultimate dream is to complete just one marathon in my lifetime. I go through phases where I contemplate beginning to train, but my "not being a runner" always scares me out of the commitment factor at the last minute.

I've been going through one of these phases recently and just so happened to receive an email about an upcoming 5K in my city.

I thought, why not start small? Train for something very, very, very small scale and see if you can stick to it? Then, see if you could commit to the training for a marathon.

I mentioned this to a friend, who pointed me toward a couch to 5K program that gets you ready in just nine weeks! She even showed me this awesome podcast I could download for my ipod that changes music at the proper intervals, telling me when to walk and when to run. (That girl is always inspiring me to do great things. ;)

I was very intrigued.

Therefore, I have taken the plunge and am attempting to train for this 5K.

I am on week two of the couch to 5K program.

Root me on and keep me going! I'll need it!

Public Decency Lesson

2009-04-28T15:07:00.012-04:00

As spring is officially upon us let us take a moment to discuss one of my biggest issues with the public.

The wearing of sandals.

This:
Plus this:
Will keep your feet from looking like this:
If your feet resemble the ones pictured above please refrain from wearing anything like this:
The people you pass on the street, in the grocery store, at the zoo, at the baseball game.....they all say thank you.

I Need Rehab

2009-04-15T15:31:00.007-04:00

I have a serious addiction problem.

Have you tried these wonderful little drink packet things that you pour into a bottle of water and voila, instant yummy-ness? If you haven't you should.

About a year ago I gave up caffeine cold turkey. I went from four or five Mt. Dews per day to no caffeine at all overnight. This was a HUGE thing for me.

Alas, I still enjoyed soda, just the non-caffeinated kind--Sprite, Root Beer, etc. No diet though. I can't stand the taste of Aspartame. I've never been much of a water drinker either. It's too boring.

However, in an effort to punch up the effort to lose a few pounds I recently decided to try diet soda and other drinks with little to no calories, if only for a little while. That's when I discovered these little bundles of joy.

Heaven!

The only problem is that when I put a powdered packet of goodness into a bottle of water it's so tasty that I down the bottle of water in less than five minutes. As a result, I've been visiting the little girls room way too much!

Now I know what you're saying. "Wait, aren't you notoriously cheap?" Why, yes. Yes, I am. Hence the fact that nine times out of ten I buy the store brand drink packets. Half-price of the brand pictured above!

I've also discovered that adding a little packet of raspberry to a bottle of Diet 7-Up hides that yucky Aspartame flavor perfectly. No more fear of diet soda for me!

Who Does That - Part XXIII

2009-04-14T15:57:00.007-04:00

A few nights ago while driving home from work I was stuck in horrendous traffic. This particular traffic jam was worse than normal and had me stopped for quite some time.

As I have noted before, my commute takes me past a very popular park in the city--a park famous for the ability to participate in various forms of aerobic activity. So there I was sitting in traffic alongside said park when I saw something completely new to me.

A man.......appearing to be in his 40's.......wearing a tank top and shorts.......running......while juggling three of the those bowling pin looking sticks.

Traffic would move me ahead of him by about 50 yards, then he'd go ahead of me by about 50 yards. I'd stare straight ahead at him or watch him in my rear view mirror as I sat and waited to move forward again. I was mesmerized. I could not stop watching him.

This video is my attempt to catch him on my film, but it did not quite work out as well as I had hoped. If you focus just above the rear view mirror you can see him in his white shirt and sort of make out the juggling motion. My sincerest apologies for the quality.

Who does that?

It's 2 AM, Do You Know Where Your Blankets Are

2009-04-09T16:03:00.004-04:00

Thought for the day:

Does you have a spouse/partner/living in sin roommate who sleeps rather wildly?

Do they smack you in the head with a stray elbow when they switch their sleeping position?

Do they wake up from a dream appearing to be wide awake and talk about crazy, nonsensical things?

Do they curl up with the blanket like it's a teddy bear so that it leaves your half of the bed entirely uncovered and you shivering?

Maverick does all all of these things and it provides me with great entertainment. Okay, so maybe getting woken up in the middle of the night by being whacked in the head with an elbow isn't exactly "fun", but I swear three mornings per week I have a story about his crazy sleeping antics.

Who Does That - Part XXII

2009-03-20T16:17:00.003-04:00

There is a local business that uses a husband and wife type team in their commercials. The advertisements always astound me whenever they are on. I can't help but to stop whatever I am doing and watch. Every single time.

I think the more appropriate title to this post should be "How Does One Do That". How would you get your hair to stick out like that? It truly amazes me.

However, I highly doubt I would ever want my hair to look like that. So it still gets a big........

Who does that?

Please, Please, Please

2009-03-19T13:51:00.006-04:00

From MSNBC.com:

Is the ugly shoe craze about to end?
Crocs auditor questions whether plastic shoe maker can survive
updated 7:38 p.m. CT, Wed., March. 18, 2009
NIWOT, Colo. - The auditor of Crocs Inc. says it has “substantial doubt” about the shoe company’s ability to stay in business amid falling revenue.
Crocs disclosed the opinion of Deloitte & Touche LLP in an annual report filed Tuesday with the Securities and Exchange Commission.
“It’s a really serious sign the company has some financial difficulties ahead,” said Chris Hughen, associate professor of finance at the University of Denver’s Daniels College of Business. Still, he didn’t expect the company would die. “If they can right-size the company, the company will survive,” he said.
A Crocs spokeswoman didn’t immediately return a phone message Wednesday.
Crocs, which had ramped up for strong international and product growth only to watch sales drop last year, said it needs to find a cost structure that its revenues will support. The company lost $185.1 million last year as revenues fell almost 15 percent to $721.6 million.
The number of footwear units sold fell 24.7 percent over the year, the filing said. The company blamed deteriorating global economic conditions, falling demand and difficulty marketing its expanded product line.
Crocs said it must secure financing and maintain enough liquidity to pay obligations. It said it has $22.4 million in borrowings under a loan that matures April 2. As of Dec. 31, it had $51.6 million in cash and cash equivalents.
Through the end of 2007, Crocs grew so quickly it had difficulty meeting demand for its colorful, lightweight shoes, the company said in the SEC filing. It boosted production capacity, warehouse space and inventory, but revenue growth slid in 2008.
It had about 3,700 employees at the end of last year, down from 5,300 a year earlier. It also closed manufacturing facilities in Brazil and Canada last year.
Crocs said it expects more operating losses for the quarter that ends March 31. It is working to get a new credit facility and is exploring options for raising capital.
Crocs shares, which traded near $70 last year, were down 27 cents Wednesday, or 19 percent, to $1.14.
“The bottom line is, it’s a horrible time to be a premium product. People are looking to cut back on discretionary spending, and they view these shoes as something discretionary,” Hughen said.

Please let there be some merit to this article! If there is any fashion mercy on the Earth then, yes, the ugly shoe craze is over.

I give a free pass to children ages five and under, as kids are supposed to wear colorful, ugly shoes. On them it's cute. Plus, I'm sure any shoe that little Johnny can put on without help from mom or dad is welcomed. However, anyone above the age of six is held to an entirely different standard. You can tie a shoe. You're past the age of needing assistance to put on footwear. There are no more excuses for lazy, ugly shoe wearing.

Those things are just hideous and I pray for their demise everyday.

Long Sigh

2009-03-17T15:03:00.005-04:00

Prior to moving to my current city and job I took an annual vacation to beautiful, tropical locations with my best friend. Those trips were the highlight of my year, every year.

The sub par vacation package at my current employer, dealing with a long-distance relationship and traveling to see my significant other, and adjusting to the increase in cost of living from my old city to my city have prevented me from taking one of my beloved holidays for the last three years.

No longer.

I finally have vacation time and a little nest egg. Maverick and I have (hopeful) plans to enjoy a tropical vacation this fall.

Any suggested destinations?

Who Does That - Part XXI

2009-03-02T14:02:00.007-05:00

My daily commute takes me past a very popular city park. This park is filled with people engaging in some type of physical activity year round. Regardless of the weather people are always utilizing the fantastic trails and abundance of land. Walking, running, cycling, roller blading, soccer, baseball, softball, football, cross country skiing--basically any type of exercise can be seen in this park.

It is a not a surprise at all to see many people bundled up and running even in the dead of winter. It is, however, a surprise to see people who engage in these physical activities not dressed weather appropriate. Over the course of the last month and a half I have seen one particular such person several times.

In the midst of winter I have witnessed the same woman running in a tank top, shorts and gloves multiple times. What good do gloves do you when you're half naked anyway? Plus, I'm not just talking a sort of tank top or shorts either--shorty shorts and a spaghetti strap number. Nor have the times that I have seen her been on the rare nice days in the middle of January or February. The temperature on each occasion has been below 30. One day it was in the 20s and the ground was covered with six inches of snow!

Being that I am always driving at 30+ mph when I catch a glimpse of this woman I have not been able to snap a picture. I did my best (read awful) attempt to sketch a little drawing of her though, which you will find below. However ridiculous you find this piece of artwork, multiply it by about 20 and you will understand what I'm talking about.

One other important detail to note--this woman has to be at least 45, meaning she probably shouldn't be wearing the outfit regardless of the weather.

Who does that?

American History 101

2009-02-27T13:37:00.006-05:00

Allow me to veer off my usual course of refusing to talk about anything political outside of my home for a minute. This is not a partisan post by any means, merely a lesson to some poor misguided folks.

First, the story. Taken from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

Anti-stimulus protesters rally at the Arch

By Tim O'Neil
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
02/27/2009

ST. LOUIS -- More than 1,000 people braved chilly temperatures downtown today to protest President Barack Obama's stimlulus aprogram and to throw tea into the Mississippi River.

The gathering was organized by several local conservatives. There was no official crowd estimate, but the gathering filled roughly one fourth of the grand staircase from the Arch grounds down to the levee.

Among the speakers was former football Cardinals tight end Jackie Smith, who took a bullhorn and said, "We are mad as hell and we need to stay mad as hell. Don't let up."

Smith asked the crowd if this was their first protest rally, and most raised their hands.

Bill Hennessy, said he got the idea for the tea party from comments made last week by CNBC business commentator Rick Santelli about the stimulus program. Santelli urged people to have another Boston tea party.

Before the crowd went down to the Mississippi River, Hennessy urged everyone to rip open their tea bags and dump the tea without throwing the paper into the river. The group ended the 50-minute rally by lining up on the river's edge and doing as asked.

Whether or not me, you or anyone else agrees with the TARP funds being doled out in Washington is not the issue here. If you agree fine, if not fine. However, if you so strongly disagree with the program there are more efficient ways to go about showing your displeasure with the government.

Let's start with the extreme inaccuracies in comparing this protest to the Boston Tea Party. The American Colonists were protesting taxes levied against them by the British government, and efforts of the British government to control their consumption of goods. They dumped tea into Boston Harbor that was a shipment from Great Britain. They were voicing their anger directly to the entity they were disagreeing with.

Dumping random packets of tea into the Mighty Mississippi to protest an economic stimulus package is accomplishing nothing more than being wasteful. A much more effective and relevant way for these people to protest the government bailout package would be to refuse the tax cut they're above to receive in their paychecks.

I highly doubt we could find many Democrats, Republics, Libertarians, Independents or non-voters who would give up their anticipated tax cut though. Don't you?

Help Wanted

2009-02-25T15:58:00.002-05:00

We have a brand spanking new set of mattresses coming our way in a couple of weeks. I am uber stoked about this. The thought of a bigger, cushy bed is so exciting. There is one small hitch in our giddy up though--it's a bigger bed.

We're going from a full to a queen.

As I said, it's the mattress set, so just the box spring and mattress and not the bed. That's immediately the first thing that comes to mind that we need to purchase. We could just find a bed frame as a temporary fix, but that's still something on the list of things to shop for. Then there's the issue of sheets, blankets, a comforter, bed skirt, curtains to coordinate with new bedding and new pillows as ours our worn out. The list goes on and on.

Any ideas on where to look for these items in stylish patterns and hues at don't break the bank prices?

Waiting

2009-02-23T12:55:00.008-05:00

I don't say this very often, or confide in too many people about this, so mark this momentous occasion. It probably won't happen again.

I admit it. I have the itch. I'm so ready to get married. It's just a matter of waiting on Maverick to ask what I'm doing for the rest of his life. Being the budget keeper of our relationship, I know exactly why he's waiting and I'm cool with it. However, that doesn't change the fact that every single day I think about how much I'm ready to share a lifetime of beautiful, committed, undying love with him.

Now I'm not your average girl. For me it's not about the event. I don't daydream about imported French silk and Italian lace dresses, or floor length gowns in the perfect shade of butter cream for twelve bridesmaids, or taffeta colored clothed napkins and regal place settings for a formal dinner at a reception with 250 people and all eyes on me. That's not to say there is anything wrong with that either. It's just simply not my style. The thoughts of my wedding are about me, the man I love more than anything on Earth and our future together. Loving each other so much that we want to share one life for all eternity and sharing that special moment with our immediate families, extremely close extended family members and our dearest friends.

That's it.

If you asked me where I'd want this to take place the only answer I could give you is that my dream location is any beach in the Caribbean. What kind of dress you ask? No clue. Something white in whatever style I try on that looks the best on me. What about flowers? I honestly doubt I'd even want to deal with worrying about carrying them around, and if we're getting married outside in God's beauty why would you need to dress it up? I have zero thoughts on a reception either. I'd guess that if there was a meal involved we'd just decide on some items that the house chef does well.

It's entirely possible that all of this might change when the time finally comes to seal the deal. Doubtful but possible. Nothing is ever impossible, so I won't say it's completely out of the questions, but I highly doubt either of us will care a great amount about the details.

There is one item though that I do care about immensely. The ring! This is one thing I daydream about very frequently. I don't mean to sound materialistic, but it's the only piece of jewelry I'll have forever and wear everyday. It should be special. The only problem is that I want to be truly surprised by the proposal.

Knowing this, I've made sure that Maverick and I have talked about diamond shapes and ring design numerous times. He knows my favorite cut, my next favorite cuts, the cuts I absolutely do not like at all, the metal I prefer, the design features I prefer and the ones I would never wear. I've even made sure to point out two friends I trust who he could go to for a little guidance. I'm constantly noticing rings on my friends (or even random women we see out in public places) and making sure I point it out to him. I also drag him into stores to browse. Poor guy. He's such a trooper about it though. He always smiles though the process, and I can see him taking mental notes every time.

It really is quite sad how often I think about the ring. A couple of days out of the week I secretly shop The Interweb and sit and drool at things like this:

There it is! My dream ring! I've had it pictured in my head for so long, but never quite found the exact thing in my searches until today. I promptly sat and drooled for about 30 minutes.

Current Conditions

2009-01-05T15:01:00.002-05:00

Recent thoughts, feelings and emotions about my job:

Despise
Boredom
Hate
Daydreaming of other options
Annoyance
Boredom
Dislike for many co-workers
Loathsome
Detest
Regret for not staying in bed
Boredom

Who Does That - Part XX

2008-12-04T13:43:00.006-05:00

Having spent more than a week on vacation to visit Maverick's family for Thanksgiving, I've recently spent a lot of time mingling with the American "public". Everywhere from airports to train stations to shopping centers to restaurants to sidewalks to grocery stores. While I noticed an abundance of non-Emily Post acceptable behaviors in all of these areas, I want to concentrate on one in particular arena grossly lacking in general manners.

The extended time away included several visits to public restrooms. Now, I know what you must be thinking; "Oh I know the kind of disgusting person she's going after--the don't wash your hands person". That would be a good guess, but I'm going to skip right over the multitudes of disgusting germ spreaders I saw. That includes not talking about the very obviously seven to eight months pregnant woman, who I saw walk out of a stall and right out the door in the Minneapolis airport (I'm sure that must be one healthy baby she's cooking in there). Nope, not going to call her out. Nor will I mention the little heathens who I saw just throw their used paper towels on the sink in the T.D. Banknorth Garden bathroom, while mom watched over their acts and said nothing. Nope, not going to blog about that.

Instead, I'm going to tell you the following tale:

While eagerly snatching up the bargain deals at the L.L. Bean Outlet in Freeport, ME, I (as my grandmother would say) slipped into the little girls' room to tinkle. As I entered the ladies' room, I noticed the distinct sounds and odors of what was clearly a woman who'd enjoyed way too many beans with her lunch coming from the closed door stall second from the end. Naturally, I cringed a little and hurriedly made my way to the stall at the other end of the restroom, as far away from this situation as possible.

Hey, when a girl's got to make water, she's got to make water.

There I was rushing through my business so I could escape the very loud noises and obnoxious smells, when I heard a very strange BEEP.......BEEP......BEEP noise. This particular bathroom was tucked away upstairs in the outlet store, but located somewhat closesly to the only upstairs register. I was thinking that maybe the scanners were just really loud. Not so much. A few seconds later I heard Magic Bean lady say mid-toot, "Hello?". She proceeded to start a conversation with whatever poor sap was on the other end of that call, just tooting away. Not only was she choosing to have a phone conversation while she was on the shitter, but she was choosing to do it in a public restroom.

Who does that?

Good Intentions

2008-11-14T11:58:00.014-05:00

An annual ritual in my department at work is for the staff to chip in money for a Christmas gift for our Vice President. Every year at about this time emails begin to bounce around regarding who will coordinate the purchasing gift, what type of gift we should buy and how much each person should contribute to the cause. This exact same procedure happened at my last employer as well.

Words cannot begin to describe how much this concept pisses me off.

I spend the last four to five weeks of every year trying to figure out how in the hell I will be able to afford to purchase gifts for my family and close friends (you know the people I love on many levels, and have been there for me through it all). As someone who only finished college two years ago, there's still not a lot of money on my pay stub every other week. What little is there I need to pay the credit card and student loans bills I racked up attending college. Not to forget the additional car note, insurance, rent, utilities, phone, gas, food and other basic survival needs to pay for. There's not a lot left after all of that. So trying to add in the cost of holiday gifts for the people I truly care about is no easy task. It takes of lot of creative thinking to land on something that shows you truly care about them, yet does not show how little cash you had to spend on the gift and still allows you to eat.

Now you want me to add on money for someone else? Someone whose salary I know has to be about four times as much as mine?

Don't get me wrong, I have mad respect for my VP. She has honestly been the best boss I've ever had. I've learned so much from her, and she's done countless things to help me, both professionally and personally. She's a great person. Truly, she is.

It's not that I think she is worthy of a gift. However, feeling forced into forking over money for a gift for her just makes me bitter. Bitter that it takes another $20-$30 (depending on how guilty my co-workers make me feel) away from possible gifts for my parents, Maverick or my brother and sister-in-law.

I always end feeling like this situation is Robin Hood in reverse, and it really grinds my gears!

Moving On Up

2008-11-06T14:28:00.015-05:00

The holidays are sneaking up on me faster than a seven year old boy should run away from Michael Jackson. Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's. I really, really do. Time with family, a few days away from work, getting to break out your fat pants for the gorge fests we Americans nonchalantly call dinners, bowl games, ginormous rings from the one you love in a little box under the tree (okay, okay, wishful thinking, but a girl can dream)--all treasures of the season. However, I always seem to find myself a little relieved when it's over.

I'm beginning to feel my usual stresses of the season. The anxiety of gift ideas (for me going out and picking up something isn't the problem, it's determining a suitable gift for someone to show them they mean something to me, yet the purchase of said item doesn't mean that come January I have to make my home in a box on the street corner). The "dear gawd, I need to exfoliate" feeling of drier skin. The dread of walking out of my apartment in the mornings, still half asleep, forced into exercise before noon (one of my biggest pet peeves) because I have to spend ten minutes scraping ice from the windows of my car. The annoyance of people who drive with wreaths on their cars--it's an automobile, not your home. The emotional torture of having to give your most Oscar worthy performance while you try to convince your grandma you really do love purple argyle leg warmers, and they'll be the perfect accessory for your work outfit on Monday, when you're actually just forced to drive all the way to GoodWill and donate them because your grandma didn't put a gift receipt in the box. The unexplainable pressure we all feel to have the most to die for New Year's Eve party to attend, otherwise you will be the social leper of the entire city, but you can't seem to find one to grace with your presence as they all seem to boast a cover charge equal to an entire month's rent.

All of these things add up. By the time the calendar turns to January 2nd I usually find myself spent, emotionally and checkbook-ally. But, guess what? This year I have a new stress point to add to that list.

I have come to realize that I am officially one of "the women" at the holiday dinners. The only problem with my graduation to the adult table is that I must now also become a member of the please bring a side dish club. Naturally, I have absolutely zero idea what in the hell I should make/buy/bring to any of the upcoming dinners. The worst part is that I am finding myself way over thinking this, especially the what do I bring to the dinner at Maverick's aunt's house part. I feel like it has to be something unbelievably tasty and memorable, in some sort of unnatural I really need to impress these people way. Which is just silly considering I've met the members of his family several times. For some reason though, I am stuck in this Paula Deen, Emily Post, June Cleaver realm of perfection.

Soooooooo, any ideas on a fantabulous appetizer type dish?

Who Does That - Part XIX

2008-11-03T10:55:00.009-05:00

Seen at a local tourist attraction on Saturday, a young lady with an outfit that was just all sorts of wrong. Not as much the goth nature of the ensemble, as the fact that it's about four sizes too small.

Also worth noting is her companion who is not wearing a bra, and happily sporting breasts that rest on her stomach.

Who does that?

The First Step

2008-10-31T16:26:00.021-04:00

Hi, my name is Hera and I'm a crabby bitch.

It all started in the spring. The receptionist at my work announced her departure, which meant I had to take on one of her duties as no one else was trained to perform the task. The goal, according to my VP, was for me to train her assistant to eventually take over the duties the receptionist left behind since that position would no longer be a part of our department. I thought "that's fine. I can handle a little extra work for a short period of time. It's only temporary and I'm happy to help if necessary".

Of course, the executive assistant announced her departure from the organization shortly after the receptionist left. At this point, I gained even more extra duties "in the interim" as the search for a new executive assistant got underway. Again, I thought "that's fine. I can handle a little extra work for a short period of time. It's only temporary and I'm happy to help if necessary".

The applicant search was excruciatingly long. It bled over into a co-worker's maternity leave and into what is the time of year I refer to as "hell on Earth" for my position. In essence, for the last four months I have been holding down three, sometimes four jobs--all during what is the absolute most stressful period for me even in a normal month.

As the time wore on I became a quite the bitch. Scratch that, the term I'm looking for is crabby bitch. At about month two I reached crabby, by the end of month three I was unbearably bitchy. The things that sent my mood South varied. Sometimes it was the mounting workload, sometimes it was the stupid questions I didn't have time to answer, sometimes it was the recognition of others' efforts while mine went unnoticed...again. Most days I hated everything about my job, my employer and 85% of my co-workers. I even brought my anger home on occasion--an extremely unfair thing for Maverick to put up with. However, he has weathered the storm as if it was nothing at all, and simply his job to make me feel like it's okay to uncontrollably sob at the drop of a green bean onto the kitchen floor.

No longer.

The executive assistant position has not only been filled, but the person holding down that job now seems to be (almost) trained and self-sufficient in the tasks I needed to be able to get that position responsible for once again. Great hire too. I think this person will be an extremely good fit for the organization. Just in time for my busiest time of year to be almost over as well. I'm back down to just about one and a half jobs. The stress level is way down. Thankfully. I've come to realize that a) I simply could not handle that amount of stress any longer, b) I was about to have a complete and utter mental/nervous breakdown, c) I have got to get back to my old happy self--being miserable every day is just not a way to live.

So there it is. I'm a crabby bitch. Rather, I have been a crabby bitch lately, but as of this moment I apologize for my crabby bitchyness and I will no longer be a crabby bitch.

With that in mind, I'm off to celebrate Halloween with some of my favorite people in the whole world--Maverick and my BFF.

Yes, I went junior high on you! It's the spirit of the kid holiday. It's taken over me.

Muse

2008-10-30T13:35:00.006-04:00

Having been inspired I thought I would share my love for autumn. Being a not so closeted, warm weather, beach bum at heart most people would think that I loathe the onset of winter. On the contrary, you'll be shocked to learn that I actually welcome it. Just as I'm sure Britney is hiding her longing to return to the days of Cheetos and barefooted gas station restroom stops, I conceal my love for the comforts of cooler temperatures. Not anymore. Here are my twenty great things about the change of seasons.

1. Piping hot soup in a bread bowl.

2. Vibrant yellow leaves covering an entire tree.

3. Postseason baseball.

4. Warm, comfy and yet uber sexy sweaters.

5. Little kids in Halloween costumes.

6. Apple cider.

7. Snuggling up on the couch with a blanket, Maverick and watching a movie.

8. Anticipating a huge Thanksgiving dinner.

9. Football.

10. Flaunting my fetish for gloves, scarves and winter hats.

11. Mums.

12. Enjoying time with my wonderful family on the holidays.

13. My favorite TV shows are back from summer vacation.

14. The Heisman Watch.

15. Overusing the Crock-Pot.

16. Gift shopping for the people I love.

17. Hockey.

18. The indescribably comforting feeling of being cocooned under three blankets.

19. Pumpkin carving.

20. Wondering what will be inside the neatly wrapped box(es) under the tree in December.

Who knew there was such a sucker for cheesy nice things hiding under my tomboy persona?!

Coming Out of the Dark

2008-10-30T12:58:00.006-04:00

Wow. It has been eleven months since my last blog post. Well, technically in those eleven months I have visited Blogger a few times and typed out a post, but never published it. At any rate, that's just awful. I've been very lazy. There is really no other way to say it. To my faithful readers, both of you, I sincerely apologize. I will no longer be a slacker.

Who Does That - Part XVIII

2007-12-01T22:44:00.000-05:00

Social networking sites, we've all heard of this phenomenon taking over the world. People frequent these sites to network, keep up with friends and family, meet new people and severely procrastinate on life's tasks. It's truly a great thing. Personally, I waste thirty minutes to an hour at work everyday on these sites. Keeps me sane, provides humor and adds to that procrastination factor we all know and love. However, there is a large majority of people who frequent these sites just to be fucking idiots.

On one particular social networking site, that rhymes with Schmacebook, people create groups. These groups were designed to unite people with common interests. In reality, what they've become is a cesspool for fucking idiot behavior. Case and point, the incessant creating of groups with some variation of the name "I Lost My Phone, I Need Your Phone Number".

What happens, 95% of the time, is that every person with a registered Schmacebook account can view these groups. Yet, people still go there and post their phone number for all the world to see. So not only are you subjected to viewing the antics of the 8,532 new "I can't get over high school and I'm obsessed with feeling like I win popularity contests, so I need to whore my phone number out for more entries into my contacts, who I will never call anyway, but I need to have that appearance" group creaters everyday, but you're also forced to view the antics of approximately 102,354 dumbass girls on the site. These chicks (yes, they deserve that moniker for being so fucking stupid) post their fucking phone number for all the psychotic, stalking, sexually assaulting weirdos on Schmacebook to obtain.

Do not adjust your monitors. Yes, you read that correctly. Along with providing their full name, their school or employer, their age, their dorm or apartment building and photographic proof of their love for combining streetwalker outfits and alcohol (all things they could choose not to provide), they also provide their fucking phone number!

Who does that?

Analyze This

2007-11-30T11:47:00.001-05:00

Last night I dreamed Maverick and I had a white convertible. Not sure what make, just that it was a white convertible. We drove around a lot in our convertible with our pet elephant, Murphy. Murphy liked Strawberry Limeades from Sonic. The entire dream was us and our elephant going from Sonic to Sonic, drinking Strawberry goodness at each one.

Take a Number

2007-11-22T16:12:00.000-05:00

Four out of every five women are disrespectful, catty, bitches and I absolutely loathe them. Take a look around and count. Are you number four, or number five?

Hocus Pocus

2007-10-01T13:40:00.000-04:00

Who Does That - Part XVII

2007-09-14T12:54:00.000-04:00

*Blue Light Special*
It's a Friday two for the price of one.

Subway, the home of quick, healthy sandwiches for the working woman on the go. It's not a place where one goes to study rocket science. You walk in, you pick your bread, your sandwich contents, your cheese, your veggies and condiments, you pay and bam, you're done. From the time the lady, excuse me, "Sandwich Artist" asks you what you want until you pay, and are out the door, should really be no longer three or four minutes, tops.

That is unless the woman in front of you is ordering four sandwiches for the people in her office and appears to have never seen a light bulb let alone an actual "Sandwich Artist". Listen lady, if it's going to take you five trillion light years to order your freaking sandwiches then step aside and let those of us with a meeting, and work to do, go ahead of you while you stand there amazed that bread can be sliced.

When one exits said Subway they don't want to be forced to listen to annoying sorority girl walking down the sidewalk discussing the, um, merits of her one night stand while she makes her walk of shame. To said girl lacking any shred of self-respect--since you're talking at decibal 6,792 I can hear your entire disgusting ass conversation so let me just answer all of your questions for you. I'm really sorry that your lack of self-confidence made you feel the need to buy your friends, but does that really mean you need to go seeking approval via meaningless sex with some guy you don't know, who sure as hell won't be calling you later today. If you want him to call you later then why don't you make him believe for at least one night that you have a little dignity. I know we all like to get off every now and then, but is it really worth the Crabs you'll be scratching later tonight? Buy yourself a Purple Penetrator, you'll be much happier in the end. However, if you really can't enjoy the merits of yourself then why don't you learn to save your conversation for your sorority house, rather than one of the busiest sidewalks in the city?

Who does that?

Fifteen Pieces of Flair

2007-08-31T11:25:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it's just hard to stay focused. You can only see the weekend ahead of you. You could care less about reconciling the budget report sent to you by the comptroller. You don't really want to answer the questions of your staff because you've already showed them how to do it eight times. You just want to be at your holiday weekend destination, enjoying your family, savoring that big pulled pork sandwich with homemade cole slaw from your brother the BBQ king's grill, throwing back a few Pabst Blue Ribbons, laughing hysterically at the redneck ways of your surroundings, while simultaneously loving the huge amounts of Southern hospitality. You truly understand that human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements

Case in point - the way I spent my morning, wasting time on a "popular social networking website", that allows millions of people to procrastinate the workday away, everyday, by posting useless survey bulletins like this one:

Date:	Aug 31, 2007 10:07 AM
Subject:	If they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.
	Any student can write a survey about their favorite class, or their secret crush, or how nice their car is that their parents paid for. This is the survey for us that are already grown up. 1. Do you have a college degree? Yes 2. What was the amount of your last electric bill? $63 3. Do you have life insurance? Some kind of policy through work. 4. How many hours per week do you work? I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work. 5. Have you ever attended a Toastmasters event? PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean? 6. What is your commute to work each day (one way)? 7 miles, 15-20 minutes depending on traffic. 7. Favorite Place for Happy Hour? Chotchkie's is pretty sweet. 8. What time do you get up in the morning for work? 7 ish 9. What is your definition of sleeping in late? 10:00 10. Do you check your cholesterol on a yearly basis? no 11. How large was your first cell phone? Medium sized 12. Does your employer provide good health insurance? It's not terrible, but not great either. 13. Did you use the internet to write a research paper? Yes 14. Have you attended a HS reunion? No 15. How many jobs have you held in your professional career? 5 16. Have you ever been fired or laid off from a job? Laid off 17. What is your favorite drink? Non-alcoholic, fountain Dr. Pepper. Liquor, Bellini or a Chambord Sour. Beer, Samuel Adams Winter, although Michelob Light is quickly making a rise on the list. 18. What is the most expensive bottle of wine that you have in your residence? Probably around $15. 19. Have you been divorced? No 20. How old were you when you stopped getting ID'd for Alcohol? I still do. 21. Favorite casino? Well, I haven't been to Vegas, but I do really like one of the riverboats here. 22. Are you happier now than when you were in high school? I was always happy, but I'm definitely happier with Maverick in my life. 23 Did you ever have Hypercolor shirts? No 24. Do you remember when Michael Jackson was black and was attracted to older people? Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just the girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. 25. Do you remember when MTV actually played music videos? Yes 26. Have you had a will made? No 27. What music was in your cd / cassette player when you were 16? It wasn't that no-talent ass clown Michael Bolton. 28. Favorite fancy / upscale restaurant? One of the local celebrity's places. 29. How long has it been since you attended a kegger? About a year 30. Where were you when you found out about 9-11? At work. I'd just been delivered flowers because I was trying to have a birthday. 31. Do you have any children yet? No 32. Do you think the "younger crowd" will read this? Sure, why not.

Asshat

2007-08-15T20:54:00.001-04:00

As you, my loyal readers, should surely know I am a lifelong Cardinals fan. Contrary to what people might think Maverick's loyalty to another team does not sway me one bit. We've both become closeted fans of the other's team, but that team will never take the spot of our first baseball loves. Throughout my entire life (no, I'm still not telling just how long that is) the one constant has been my love for the Cardinals. I truly bleed red; Cardinals red.

However that doesn't mean there are not things about the team that I don't hate. For instance, there's a certain man -- scratch that -- there's a certain immature, pompous, annoying, overly cocky, overpaid, defensive abomination, offensive hacker, undeserving, beneficiary of serious nepotism, asshat patrolling left field in Busch Stadium who fits this bill. To put it mildly I cannot stand Chris Duncan. Trust me when I say these feelings are not those of just the casual fan observing his play. Yes, I think he sucks donkey balls as a ball player, but mostly my personal interactions (yes, plural) with him have been horrific. Everything from watching him be a drunken idiot to witnessing him attempt to pick up my friends with the worst "don't you know who I am" type lines to seeing him be asked to leave bars to rude interactions with fans just wanting to say hello.

For those of you who missed it let me share with you what he felt was a grown up, appropriate World Series celebration activity. During the clubhouse party Mr. I Got My Job Because I Share My Daddy's Last Name decided it would be a good idea to pose using the World Series Trophy as a penis. Do not adjust your screens, you read that correctly. Chris Duncan really did dry hump the trophy, just like a 12 year old boy. What a douchebag.

To my extreme satisfaction the Riverfront Times has been doing an excellent job of making a fool out of this jackass the entire season. In case you have not had the pleasure of enjoying this weekly masterpiece, please do so now.

Who Does That - Part XVI

2007-08-08T11:29:00.000-04:00

Ahh, the dog days of summer are upon us. A time to bask in the sun, enjoy some hearty barbecue, drink frosty beverages by the pool and loathe the humidity all at the same time. Everything, and everyone, is happier in the summer. Things just glow with a beautiful light. Or so it seems.

Then there you are standing at the counter at the local Walgreen's, patiently waiting to pick up your prescription, when you notice the person in front of you and their stank ass, flaky skinned, brittle toe nailed, dirt covered feet hanging out for all the world to see.

Just because it's hot outside does not give you permission to subject others to your lack of self grooming. If you don't like pedicures, can't afford them, or just plain can't make yourself take care of your bodily hygiene then please do not make the rest of want to hurl by sporting this disgusting trait as if it's some sort of runway fashion.

Who does that?

Freedom

2006-08-11T10:40:00.000-04:00

It's my last day working in the hell hole. Everyone rejoice with me!

Just under one month until I move a little over 200 miles away and still no place to live. Does anyone have a box I can borrow?

Weekday Update

2006-07-27T14:40:00.000-04:00

I was offered the job. After some negotiation, I accepted the position and will be relocating within about a month. Lots of items on the to do list for this one, but don't fret I'll be back with plenty to add over the weekend.

The Lady in the Magic Box

2006-07-07T13:36:00.000-04:00

As you, my loyal readers, are aware, I have been searching for a new job for awhile now. Over the last several months, I've had contact from headhunters, a couple interviews and several phone interviews with potential employers.

Through this process I've learned a lot about myself and where I want to take my career. I've also accomplished some great networking and had the pleasure of getting acquainted with some wonderful people. However, the positions that have been available haven't exactly been the right fit. I've been extended offers that were not something I could see myself being happy doing, and I've found positions I really liked, but didn't like the location, not enough experience, etc. I'm hoping this is about to change.

This morning I interviewed with an organization I truly believe in. I am very familiar with their work, and I fully support their cause. It's the kind of place you wake up happy to go to work, proud that you are a part of such a good cause. The position is one that I am completely qualified for. My experience is more than sufficient. It would be a step up from my current level; more of a management type role. But I know I'm ready for it.

The interview went well. It was held via video-conference with the VP, who could not get away from her office at another one of their campuses. I must admit interviewing with a television was quite bizarre, but I immediately felt a sense of comfort with the VP. This feels like the right fit; let's just hope they feel the same way.

I should hear from her by Wednesday of next week, for a second interview one week from today. Keep your fingers crossed that interview goes just as well.

If You Were an Appliance

2006-07-06T10:31:00.000-04:00

Interview tomorrow at 11:00 am. I hate to admit it, but I'm a little nervous. I hate all those interview questions. No jinxies, so I'll provide more details once it's over.

Wish me luck.

Who Does That -- Part XV

2006-06-28T13:25:00.000-04:00

After dating a little over a year, my friends Marcia and Doug recently decided to stop seeing each other. This has been a rather difficult transition for Marcia, as Doug was her first real relationship and she became quite attached.

Against the advice of many of her friends, Marcia continues to have contact with Doug. She answers his texts messages, she speaks with him on the phone, she sends emails back and forth while they're working, she is even still friendly with his buddies. This nonsense continues to add to her heartache. It does nothing more than give her false hope of a future reconciliation.

Doug is perpetuating this situation by being a narcissistic fucktard. Since he and Marcia decided to part ways he has been pursuing another acquaintance of mine, Molly Slutpants. However, he denies anything is brewing with Ms. Slutpants and keeps contacting Marcia to keep her on the back burner.

This past weekend Doug and his fucktard buddies took Molly Slutpants and a few of her closest hookerific friends to his family's lake cabin. Around 2:30 AM Sunday, Doug called Marcia. When she answered the phone he simply asked her, "are you horny?". Much to this friend's happy surprise, Marcia rebuffed his horrible attempt to lure her back in.

It has since come to light that on Saturday night Doug attempted to get Molly Slutpants in his bed with him. Perhaps her last name is not completely fitting, as she apparently only messed around with him a little and left him feeling a tad "blue". This can only lead one to believe that Doug contacted Marcia in the middle of the night as he thought he had a guaranteed cure for his horny problems. What a fucktard thing to do.

Who does that?

Who Does That -- Part XIV

2006-04-24T14:40:00.000-04:00

This morning a very reclusive, snippy and just plain rude lady in another department asked me the procedure to do something.

I told her; "I've never done that procedure. I'm not sure, but I know the lady who used to do your job does know."

Let's all take a moment to remember the lady who used to do her job not only still works here, but her desk is only a mere ten feet from reclusive, snippy and just plain rude lady's desk.

Cut to three hours later when my phone rings and reclusive, snippy and just plain rude lady has apparently spent the last three hours calling everyone else at our company, except lady who used to do her job, because she doesn't like lady who used to do her job. Now she's asking me what to do from here and if can I help her research it.

This is what I think about that:

"OH MY GOD! Stop being a fucking seventh grader, swallow your pride, get your lazy ass out of the chair and take the five minutes it would take to go ask the lady who does know!"

Who does that?

Signs

2006-04-04T14:51:00.000-04:00

Excerpts from an email sent to all staff by the President of my organization. (As usual, names and identifying details have been altered to protect the innocent.) Take special note of the time it was sent in relation to the time of the meeting.

From: Unpopular New President
Sent: Tuesday, April 04, 2006 11:47 AM
To: Staff
Subject: Update on Budget Committee Recommendations

I invite you to read through the following update on the recommendations from the Budget Committee and other budget progress. I have scheduled a lunchtime session from 12:30 to 1:30 today in usual place meetings are held at my organization; please feel free to stop by if you have questions or would like to discuss this further.

To: The Formerly a Great Place to Work, But Not so Much Anymore Community
From: Unpopular New President

Re: Budget Committee Recommendations and Budgeting Update

Date: April 4, 2006

Two weeks ago, the Budget Committee completed its work for the semester, and forwarded to me a set of recommendations for increasing revenue and looking for efficiencies in spending. I greatly appreciate the time and intensive study the committee invested in understanding the complicated structure of our budget and finances, and their open and honest discussions of some very challenging issues. My thanks to each member of the committee, and especially to Token Staff Member, who chaired the committee. I also want to thank all those who provided input to the committee, without which the committee would not have been able to do its work. This process clearly demonstrates that Formerly a Great Place to Work, But Not so Much Anymore's tradition of shared governance and community dialogue, so vital to our nature, continues to work well.

I have spent some time reviewing the recommendations, so I could share with you some ideas on how we plan to proceed. Below, I have listed each recommendation and how I plan to act on each one. Before getting into those details, let me say that the recommendations provide excellent advice on managing our finances that go well beyond the confines of next year’s budget, which we are obligated to set within the next month. These recommendations will prove most valuable as each area considers how to meet budget targets unanimously agreed upon last week by me and the cabinet.

Recommendation: Administrative Costs
A review of upper/mid-level administration and other professional positions should be conducted to determine if these positions are necessary and/or worth their cost.

Action: There is no doubt that we have seen increases in staffing levels. Going forward, we will tighten our hiring processes, look for ways to restructure ourselves to reduce staff — particularly when attrition provides opportunities for examination. I also intend to consider instances in which staff assignments can be pegged to revenue generation. I recently established a position control committee including VP #1, VP #2 and VP #3, and have asked that committee to propose a procedure for position review, which I hope to see by June 1. I will ask that the task force maintain a principle in our procedure that we minimize adverse consequences to those who may be affected.

Evian is Naive Spelled Backward

2006-03-27T11:21:00.000-05:00

Sometimes reality really does bite.

When you're in your early 20s, and fresh out of college, the world is at your feet. Everything is new and exciting. You're ready to take on the world. The thought of starting a career that provides a real paycheck (not just that minimum wage crap you've been used to since you were 16) is a little scary, but at the same time, inspiring. The first real career position offer comes along and you happily accept. For the next few years you trudge through the daily grind of being the peon with a degree, but not enough experience to really matter yet. You put in your time, and learn the ropes, until you've gotten everything you possibly can out of the entry level position. The job has become just that, a job. It's no longer a challenge. It's time to move on to the next level.

Welcome to my life.

As most of you know, I've been looking for a new job (and a move to a new city) for awhile now. I put the search on hold around the first of the year, as most companies don't do a lot of hiring around that time. I started the search again in late February, and it's slowly starting to gain steam. I've had three phone interviews since that time; one of which sounded quite promising. Although, we'll see where they go from here.

Last night I was scouring a website, dedicated to my profession, which posts job openings all over the country. I realized that I've been missing at least one entire industry, that has hundreds of possibilities. I couldn't believe that I wasn't thinking outside of my current industry box. My profession, not unlike HR, is utilized in so many facets and I've been suffering from career tunnel vision. No longer will I be doing that. My eyes have been opened up to a plethora of new opportunities. Here's to hoping it means an express lane to my new challenge. I need it.

Beauty is Only Scalp Deep

2006-03-23T11:45:00.000-05:00

The following is an AIM conversation I had this morning with one of my best girls, whom we'll call Aphrodite. Aphrodite is the cosmetologist, fashionista, sex kitten, diva of my friends. Such a trooper, she's always on call to bring her salon to a friend's home in the midst of a fashion or style emergency.

Hera: oh my gawd!
Hera: you have to help me!
Aphrodite: oughto
Aphrodite: what's the problem?
Hera: you know that one grey hair i've had since i was about 18?
Hera: the one we always laughed at?
Aphrodite: yes. what about it?
Hera: it's not so funny anymore
Hera: i was looking in the mirror this morning and i noticed there are more
Hera: i counted; there are 11!
Hera: and most of them aren't even grey. they've passed that right up and are white!
Hera: wtf?!?! i'm only in my mid 20s
Hera: this shit cannot stay
Hera: help me please!
Aphrodite: haha
Ahprodite: calm down
Aphrodite: i'll be over with wine and color after work
Hera: that's why you rock my world!

Hubcaps, Pocket Rockets and Weiners

2006-02-27T16:10:00.000-05:00

Ahh, Mardi Gras.

Weekend totals

Girlfriends celebrating together: 6
Bottles of champagne emptied for mimosas: 5
Bottles of rum and vodka consumed: 2
Cans of beer chugged: 35
Buckets of hurricanes drank: Lost count after the 5th round
New friends made: Too many to count
Boobs flashed: 3
Weiners shown: 5
Porta potty stops: At least 7
Persons who puked: 1
Persons having a good time: Everybody

On Deck

2006-02-16T11:21:00.000-05:00

Pitchers and catchers report today! WOO-HOO!

T minus 45 days, 8 hours and 44 minutes until the first regular season game!

Negative Ghostrider

2006-02-14T09:46:00.000-05:00

February 14th. Ahh, what a lovely day. The birds are chirping, people are happy, florists are busily delivering the arragements so many men agonized over (Roses? Tulips? Lilies? Red? White? A dozen?), love is in the air, it's a happy day. Well, for many people it's a happy day. Looking around the office at the few displays of affection that have already arrived, it just makes me miss the man in my life, henceforth known as Maverick, even more.

For those of you not in the know, our relationship is a long distance one. Yes, it stinks, but that's our situation. We don't know what the future holds (no one does, right?), and we're not focusing on that. Even with the distance, the relationship we have is great. We make it work quite well. But, I freely admit there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish we weren't separated.

About a week ago I was able to spend an extended weekend with Maverick. Everything about that weekend was fabulous. He took me out to incredible dinners (best Coconut Shrimp I've ever tasted). We had ice cream at a great creamery. We curled up with movies, beer, Sangria and Goldfish. He even went shopping with me (Happily, too. Can you believe that?). But, the best part of that weekend was just being able to be together without a care in the world.

I miss him terribly today. It's crazy, and almost sad, that such a commercialized, Hallmark holiday can have that effect, but it's true. I try to get through the days by not thinking about how much I wish we were together, and hearing everyone's date plans for tonight makes that impossible.

Who Does That -- Part XIII

2006-02-01T14:28:00.000-05:00

Where - Popular, local sandwich joint.

Who - Hungry, and in a hurry, gal who dines at this particular restaurant at least once a week and obvious new girl working the cash register.

When - Lunch time on a Wednesday.

What - Hungry Gal approaches register, attempts to place her order, but when she gets two words into it is abruptly stopped by New Cash Register Girl who asks "for here or to go?"

Hungry Gal thinks "hmm, since I come here so often I know that you all usually do that at the end of the order placing process, but you're new so I'll humor you" and then experiences the following dialogue.

Hungry Gal: "To go please, and a tur..."

New Cash Register Girl: "What's your name?"

Hungry Gal: "Hera."

New Cash Register Girl: "Lullabelle?"

Hungry Gal: "Hera."

New Cash Register Girl: "Capricorn?"

Hungry Gal (surprised at the level of confusion): "Hera."

New Cash Register Girl: "And how would you spell that?"

Hungry Gal (becoming slightly irritated): "H-e-r-a. I would like a turk..."

New Cash Register Girl: "H-e-r-a?"

Hungry Gal (irritation level rising): "Yes."

New Cash Register Girl: "Okay, what would you like?"

Hungry Gal (growing more and more irritated): "A turkey and roast beef sandwich on wheat with provolone cheese, lettuce and spicy mustard, a side of potato salad and a sweet tea; to go please."

New Cash Register Girl (very slow): "A turkey and roast beef sandwich on wheat with provolone cheese, lettuce and spicy mustard, a side of potato salad and a sweet tea; to go?"

Hungry Gal (definitely irritated at this point): "Yes."

New Cash Register Girl: "Okay, your total is $6.34."

(Hungry Gal hands New Cash Register Girl two five dollar bills)

New Cash Register Girl (very, very confused accepts the currency): "Out of ten dollars?"

Hungry Gal (about to blow a fuse): "Yes, out of ten dollars."
New Cash Register Girl (even more slow): "Your change is threeee dooollllaaarrrss and siiixxxxtttyy siiiixxx cents?"
Hungry Gal (literally fuming): "Yes, honey. That's correct."

Why - Who in the hell knows? New Cash Register Girl took what should have been a forty-five second sandwich ordering process and turned into five minutes of stupidity out of Hungry Gal's life she can never get back. All she wanted was the usual turkey and roast beef sandwich with the stuff on it, some of that excellent house specialty potato salad and a glass of the best sweet tea this side of the Mason-Dixon Line. What she got instead was annoyance and a completely jacked up order; ham is not turkey, mayonnaise is not spicy mustard and cheddar cheese is not provolone.

Who does that?

Burn!

2006-01-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

I freaking hate it when your daily website changes the design without any warning. I could go to that damn site and click around with my eyes closed, but no, you just had to go and mess with my mind. Bite me ESPN.com!

Is it time for Thursday evening $10 Martinis and Manicures yet?

Say It, Say We Are Unagi

2006-01-17T22:48:00.000-05:00

Five girlfriends got together for dinner and drinks tonight; three hours of laughter and $147.89 worth of sushi, beer and sake later they emerged from the restaurant. A few items overheard from their corner table include:

"Tight jeans fool you everytime; it's like a Jack in the Box."
"Pinch me off some of the green stuff."
"Was it a picture of the whole thing, or just the wiener?"
"I don't give a damn; scabies are just part of the fun."
"Shut your piehole and show me your wiener."

But the best overheard tidbit came from the newbie. Quite happily, it turns out the batteries provided by the vibrator store were just inadequate. She had an epiphany, switched them with some high grade Duracells, there is plenty of power now and all is good.

You're Killing Me Smalls

2006-01-11T12:32:00.000-05:00

Apparently, we've hit a major budget deficit here at work. I say apparently, because most of us cannot fathom how a budget surplus, when one president retires, can suddenly turn to a $5 million budget deficit when the new president takes over and "re-analyzes the books". Let's just say there's been an unofficial/curiosity look at the books, amongst a few inside accounting type people, and they strongly disagree, too. To make a long story short it just seems as if the public broadcasting of said financial situation, and continual public use of recently retired president's name as the reason for the "poor financial outlook", just seems like a crappy attempt to drag someone else's name through the mud.

The "budget problems" have caused many changes and cuts. Let's take a moment to talk about a few of them, shall we?

Change # 1:
We received an email from Facilities informing us that the cost of new trash bags is simply too daunting to handle. Therefore, office receptacles will no longer be emptied daily. We are now being asked to not throw any garbage in our office receptacles. Instead, we should carry items to the lone recycle bin within each building, or to the trash barrel located in the only staff workroom of each building. Rest assured those will continue to be emptied every other day.

Hmmmmm. What do I have to say to that? I'll tell you what I have to say to that; "MY ASS!" You really think I'm going to be carrying my garbage all over this freaking place to save the fifty cents one trash bag costs? I don't think so, and if you do think so, well then why don't you pass me the bowl you're smoking from.

Change # 2:
Departmental budgets have been cut, so new office supplies are simply out of the question. Basically, bring your own pen and pad of paper.

Riiiigggghhhhttt. To that one I say, "BITE ME!"

Change # 3:
Staff members are being asked to keep a daily log of their activities; not just a list of tasks they completed, but a minute by minute account of their day. (8:00 to 8:15 - I emailed Stick Up Her Ass in Accounts Receivable, 8:15 to 8:45 - I met with Tells Lame Jokes the Senior Accountant).

What do I think about this change? I think my list will look a little something like the following.
8:15ish - Arrived at work, like every other asshole here does at this time of day.
8:15ish to 8:45ish - Checked email and talked with cubicle mate about cocktails from last night.
8:45ish to 10:45ish - Surfed the web a bit and completed TPS report, but forgot the cover letter.
10:45ish to 10:50ish - Excused myself to the ladies' room as I am on my period and, well, I needed to take care of some female business. Is that okay, or am I supposed to check in and show you my tampon for approval first?
10:50ish-11:50ish - Bitched with co-workers about this fucking kindergarten bullshit and discussed what a fucking dumbass you are for attempting to make us do it.
11:50ish-1:15ish - Took an extended lunch to talk more extensively about what a dumbass you are.
1:15ish-3:30ish - Surfed the web some more, this time looking for a new job, and completed another needless report you requested, that you could've completed yourself, if it weren't for the fact that you're too much of a moron to even email.
3:30ish-3:50ish - Excused myself to the ladies' room again, but remembered that I needed approval first, so I went to your office. I had to wait for you to get your nose out of the president's ass, but was finally able to show you my tampon. Whew! It's a good thing you approve of the Playtex brand.
3:50ish-5:00ish - Packed up my desk because this is bullshit, and I won't be back tomorrow.

Do you think that list will work? Yeah, me neither. Now that the holidays are over, the job search/extreme to desire to move somewhere new is back in full swing. I turn to you, my avid readers, and ask you to help me, please. Here it is; toss your dart and tell me where it lands.

Who Does That -- Parts IX, X, XI and XII

2006-01-08T16:40:00.000-05:00

A collection from the last few weeks of blogging absence; everything from moronic drivers to "fashion" choices to horrible attempts to pick up a woman.

Part IX

You're peacefully driving along in your car, enjoying the Top 20 on XM Radio, when suddenly you're greeted by a rogue car entering your lane and coming within about six inches of you and your life. You slam on the brakes, narrowly escaping untimely death, only to realize the reason you almost saw the light was because lady in the lane next to you is reading a book! No, she's not just attempting to glance at a piece of paper for a split second; she's freaking reading a book! Did you hear me? She's reading a book! I'm talking dome light on, book opened up on the steering wheel, flat out, reading a book!

Who does that?

Part X

Excuse me. Little girls. Yes, I'm talking to you three little fourteen year old girls, half dressed in hoochie mama outfits, blocking the walkway in the mall because you're standing there talking quite loudly on the speakerphone about your boy troubles. And I do mean boy. That's right, you all can talk about what little Tommy told Susie you said about liking little Johnny tomorrow in Algebra. Stop acting like little morons, in the middle of the mall, and get out of the way. But before you go, could one of you dial up your mom and hand me the phone so I can ask her what the hell she's doing while you're at the mall advertising your goods for two dollars?

Who does that?

Part XI

Oh look there she is, our own little Pamela Anderson right here in Missouri. How are those new boobs treating you? Really, that good, huh? They upped your take at the strip club every night by that much? Well, who knew? That's so interesting.

Did those new boobs also make you think that I'd really want you, the skank who cheated with my best friend's man while she knew he was in a committed relationship, to come over and say hello to me? Did those new boobs really make you think that I would be okay with that? And did those new boobs really make you think that those fake Birkenstocks worn with black socks was a good fashion statement?

Who does that?

Part XII

You're out enjoying the rare, and beautiful, 70 degree day in the middle of January. You're running your butt off on the nature trail; feeling the burn. You've just finished cranking it up your third steep ass, quarter mile long hill, therefore, you're sweating, red faced, doubled over and really hurting. When all of a sudden, some guy decides he wants to attempt to hit on you. What in the hell?

First of all, I'm not looking. But let me assure you that if I were looking, I certainly wouldn't be doing it while dressed in workout clothes (which includes a ratty t-shirt advertising my uncle's auto repair shop), face as red as a beet, sweating my ass off and doubled over grabbing my thighs and butt. Okay, okay, maybe the grabbing isn't helping you and your dumbness. But, believe me, it's a "holy insanely on fire thighs and sore butt Batman! Wow, that's going to hurt in the morning" grab. It's most definitely not an invitation to "please come and tap it" grab. Do you not see that I'm dying here? Can you not hear me gasping for air and asking my friend to please kill me now?

If a woman is working out, and dying, you're more than welcome to ask her if she would like a drink of water. You can certainly ask if she would like a ride to her car so she doesn't have to walk back. But you cannot attempt to hit on her.

Who does that?

I Love Kung Fu

2006-01-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

Do you have someone in your office who just can't seem to shut up? The kind of person who no matter what the situation they always have to say something. Even if it's just to say "cool", they have to say something. Well I do and I can't stand it!

We'll call her Chief Shut the Fuck Up. Chief Shut the Fuck Up is in her mid forties, is a very short and round lady and talks about her nerdy daughter all the live long day. Not only does she talk about her daughter all the time, but she also talks about work all the freaking time. She is also not the kind of person who can just say "I need to finish this report". She must tell you all the details of the last four days worth of conversations regarding the report before she says "I need to finish this report". You know what? I don't give a shit. It's not my work. I don't need to hear all the details, and her trying to take the time to tell me is keeping me from doing my own work.

Chief Shut the Fuck Up doesn't just talk about work when we're working. If we're taking a break, she's talking about work. When we're walking to our cars after work, she's still talking about work. I'm sorry, but at 4:59 I no longer think about work. I think about the beer or glass of wine I want to have, the game I want to watch, the shoes I want to go shopping for, lying on the beach anywhere in the Caribbean, how much I can't wait to talk to the fabulous man in my life, eating some sushi, all sorts of stuff that have diddly to do with work. And I can definitely assure you that I won't be thinking about work again until tomorrow morning at about 8:30. That's right, I won't be back until at least 8:15 and I won't begin working until approximately 8:30. That's just the way we do it around here. I know she's still a little wet behind the ears, but she has been here about three months, surely she has noticed a pattern amongst the thirty other people she sees constantly.

You see, Chief Shut the Fuck Up, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Mother... shitter... son of an... ass! Shut up for the love of god!

Fat Pants

2005-12-22T10:32:00.000-05:00

My bags are packed (more than 20 minutes before I'm scheduled to leave, can you believe it?), I've finally purchased some presents, I've acquired three bottles of wine, I've secured a case of Winter Lager and I've found my fat pants. Yep, I'm ready. Bring on the festivities.

Let me share with you a few wonderful holiday thoughts from the world of Who in the Hell is Eddie.

"There better be some of that beer left for Christmas morning!"
"Feliz Naviblah. ... In American that means Christmas in Mexican."

Even though you won't get the pleasure of sharing it with Elvis like myself, I hope you all have fabulous festivities and may all your holiday wishes come true! :-)

Who Does That -- Part VIII

2005-12-19T15:16:00.000-05:00

December 19th and all through the house not a present was bought. Nothing. Nada. Nil. All the creatures of the house were stirring; stirring with a "holy shit, I only have four days to do this!" fear. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but not even a lump of coal for St. Nick to find when he was there. There were no children snug in their beds (mostly because I have none), no visions of sugar plums dancing in my head and certainly no settling down for a long winter's nap. For I have not purchased one damn present. Did you hear me? It's December 19th and I have not purchased one damn present!

Who Does That?

All the Ladies in the Place

2005-12-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

Picture it; Springfield, Saturday night, Buffalo Wild Wings, friends are hanging out, watching basketball, playing video poker, the beer is flowing, the shots are making their rounds, the mood is light, the laugh factor is high, times are good.

Suddenly the conversation amongst the three women turns to sex. It is discovered that one of these women does not currently own, nor has she ever owned, a much needed piece of property in every single gal’s life; the vibrator. Much to the dismay of the other two women she goes on to explain that while she enjoys sex, she has always been too embarrassed and shy to make the purchase. Well, this revelation does not sit well with the non shy women. They know of the vibrator and its wonderment. They insist this simply must not go on and demand to take their friend shopping the next morning for her very first little friend.

The next morning comes and shy woman is overly excited. She texts messages her friend at 10:00 and says “Are you up and ready yet? I am”. Now her friend wants to make sure she discovers the pleasure, but she also loves her hangover sleep. Nevertheless, she rolls out of bed and meets her friend to eat some lunch then hit the vibrator store.

Good thing she agreed to go along, too. Not only was the vibrator virgin scared and embarrassed, but she was also bad with decisions. She was picking up stuff that was too small, not waterproof, had scary animals on it, too hard, etc. However, after a good forty-five minutes she finally made a decent purchase; a nice, tame, starter, not too much, waterproof number. The store even included batteries. How nice of them.

Now, I cannot name names but after all that fretting I hear that she now demands more power. Sounds like she should have been introduced a long time ago.

Moral of the story: Never deny yourself the pleasure of the vibrator.

Purgatory

2005-12-16T00:50:00.000-05:00

*Gets up from desk, walks to office white board, uncaps red Dry Erase marker, groans at co-worker making deliberately loud noises while laughing, writes on board.*

I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.

*Replaces cap on marker, returns to desk, groans at co-worker again, pops two more Extra Strength Tylenol, lays head on desk while co-worker points and laughs, gives co-worker the finger.*

High, err I Mean ... Good Times

2005-12-15T15:52:00.000-05:00

I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the girlfriends I have.

Tonight begins the three day bon voyage extravaganza for a very dear friend. We've been through everything together. We've survived junior high, high school, broken engagements, hosting parties, close friends being sent off to the military, Bob Ross type activities, snakes getting loose from their cages during Bob Ross type activities and me freaking the hell out about it, cheating boyfriends, being forced to do shots of cheap tequila from measuring cups because we didn't have shot glasses, college, the tragic death of a dear sweet friend, falling off coolers while attempting to dance on them, the horrors of a first skinny dipping experience and even an unplanned pregnancy that turned out to be the greatest thing ever to happen to my friend.

She is moving away to be with her future husband. I'm so happy for her, but I will miss her deeply. We'll still talk and see each other quite often, as she must bring her daughter down to see her daddy, but it won't be the same.

So, here's to you Ms. Best Times of Dana's Lifer. See you tonight at ladies night. ;)

Three Words

2005-12-14T13:17:00.000-05:00

"If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...passes you by." ~ Dermot Mulroney as Michael O'Neal in My Best Friend's Wedding

Why is it that saying those three little, but all important, words is such a scary prospect? I'm told it's the fear of not hearing them in return. No, I'm not told that; I know that to be true. But, for some reason, that's exactly what I did to someone who means the world to me last night. I feel awful. Not because I don't have the same feelings, but because I do have the same feelings and just freaked out. I was completely taken aback that someone so wonderful would desire to say that to me. I smiled, I told him how unbelievably happy he makes me everyday, I told him how I can't get through the day without hearing his voice, I even cried a few tears of happiness and I smiled some more. But I never said it back!

What is wrong with you, Hera? He's not the past. He's not the two men who hurt you beyond belief. He's not the reason you have built a giant brick wall around your heart; he's the person who has brought that wall crashing down. He's the reason you can't stop smiling every minute of every day. He's the person who makes you feel like you're all that matters; you're his world. He's the person who lets you talk about random nothingness, and finds humor in it. He's the person who leaves you short, and completely sweet, messages just to let you know he's thinking about you. He's the person who puts your happiness before his own. He's the person who gives you reason to get out of bed every morning. What is wrong with you, Dana? You love him too, so why didn't you say it back?

To the light of my days....

You mean everything to me. You bring me more happiness than I ever thought possible. Everyday I find myself asking if I dreamed you up, but much to my delight, you are indeed real. My days don't start until you say good morning and they can't end until you say goodnight. I love you, too. And I can't wait until I can say that in person.

Hello?

2005-12-11T18:33:00.000-05:00

Oh my avid readers (I think you exist), I apologize for the weeklong absence of blog entries. It has been a crazy week; everything from insane amounts of work to the flu to the sudden and unexpected passing of a dear friend of the family.

I heard from the potential job and the news was not what I had hoped. For those of you not in the know, it was not so much of a job but more of an internship with a AAA baseball team. In the end, I am actually somewhat flattered by the "too much experience, it's a bit beneath you" reason. I half expected that, but you never know until you try right? What's meant to be will be and I am now shifting my thoughts to other possibilities. The only thing I know for sure is that I am unhappy with the opportunities here and am in dire need of a change in scenery. Where? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure it matters. There's this awesome wall map in the room next to my office; I'm beginning to like the idea of just tossing a dart at the map and moving wherever it lands.

Thank you all again for your well wishes and I'm sure I'll be asking you again when the next interview comes along. And I promise the next blog entry will not be over a week away.

Important Stuff

2005-11-30T23:14:00.000-05:00

I don't get serious around here very often (if ever), but today is one of those times I feel it is necessary. So please bear with me.

Today, December 1, is World AIDS Day.

Sadly, my family and I know the misery of HIV/AIDS all too well. One of my favorite uncles was afflicted with the disease. He made it almost 17 years after his diagnosis. It was beyond great to have him around for that much longer, but at the same time it was very painful. The last six years of his life were in the AIDS stage, and they were spent not living, but surviving. It was hands down the worst thing I have ever witnessed. I hope that none of you ever have to watch someone you love and care for slowly wilt away, knowing there is absolutely nothing you, or anyone else, can do.

One of the most disheartening things I have noticed is the complacency our society seems to have developed to such a horrific epidemic. With that, I challenge you (almost beg of you) to educate yourself. If you are educated, then pass the information and challenge along to someone who might not be educated. If you're so inclined, please donate some time or money to an organization or two. Wear a red ribbon, get tested, simply talk about it, do something, do anything; it might make more difference than you could ever imagine.

Who Does That -- Part VII

2005-11-29T15:41:00.000-05:00

Note: Sorry for going a little old school on you this time, but I recounted this story over the weekend and decided it would make a perfect Who Does That entry.

A few years ago, a very intriguing man asked if he could take me out on a date. Now I usually have a severe aversion to the pretty boy, but he made me laugh every time we hung out so I thought why not. I said to myself "Dana, why not give this arm candy thing a try? You know he makes you laugh and at the very least it's just dinner and a movie. Put aside his abnormal need to have every hair perfectly gelled and go. Besides a girl's got to eat and what better way than being treated to dinner by someone so easy on the eyes". Gawd was I ever wrong.

The night of the big date rolled around and, like any good woman, I spent at least an hour getting all dolled up. I put on my best sexy jeans, tight little sweater cut just low enough to be sexy but still leaving a little to the imagination (my momma taught me well) and some damn fine heels. Despite the expected first date jitters, at least I was looking good. This is every woman's first date duty, right? Just as it's the man's first date duty to have some chivalry, right?

7:30 rolls around; it's go time. Surprisingly I'm ready to go. (Shock, I know). Now one detail you should know is that this happened to be over Christmas break when I was home from college. That meant I was staying at my parents house. He knew I was staying at my parent’s house. He knew my parents were there. Yet, for some reason, when he got there he just honked! Oh no, I'm not lying. Not only did he not bother to open the door for me, but he never even got out of the truck. He fucking honked!

Here's what worse, despite my dad yelling "Who does that little fucker think he is pulling up here to take my daughter out and just honking?", I actually walked out the door and went on this date. A big Who Does That to me, huh? I was still in my very early 20s, not so much of an independent woman days though. If some man tried that today I would still walk out that door, but just long enough to walk past his truck, stop and remind him what he could have had if only he’d have had a little couth about him. Then I would continue on to a night on the town with my girls. But I digress.

After I got in the truck, that so rudely honked for me to come out and play, we went out to dinner. Now dinner was alright; even with his constant checking out his hair in the reflection on the picture frame above the table. (UGH, pretty boys. I didn't even do that). There was good conversation and he made me laugh, so I thought I could put the honking incident behind me. That was until the check came. No, he didn't make me pay. Actually, I could have dealt with that better. He pulled out a buy one get one half off coupon. What kind of cheap ass thing to do is that? If you don't want to pay for my dinner, just tell me. I can afford my own chicken strips at TGI Friday's thank you very much. (Choice of restaurants should have been another tell, I know).

I know you're thinking it can't get worse, but it does. First of all, because I allowed the date to continue. Secondly, because his idea of an interim dinner and movie activity was to stop at a dealership and look at trucks. Thirdly, because after I stuck it out through the random truck shopping he wouldn't let me pick the movie. Lastly, because he paid for the movie with a gift certificate.

Now don't get me wrong, I am by no means saying that a man should have to pay for everything all the time. But he was the one who asked if "he could take me out". Even if he doesn't understand the whoever asks pays concept, all he would have had to do was say let's go dutch, and it would have been perfectly fine. Paying with coupons and gift certificates is certainly not a way to make a girl feel special. If he was broke, but still didn't want me to have to pay, he could have been way more discreet about the coupons. Just flaunting them out there, felt a little like he was saying, "Listen woman, I want to get in your pants but am not willing to make any effort to do that". I sure as hell didn't spend over an hour having my Barbie makeover just to be treated like one of his buddies. His lack of effort certainly got him nothing. Not even a second date.

Who does that?

Waiting

2005-11-29T15:26:00.000-05:00

As far as I can tell, the interview went well. I'm not sure you can really call it an interview though. It was more of a meet and greet than an interview. They said they had already asked me everything they wanted to on the phone, and just wanted the opportunity to meet me. That was weird; I'm so not used to that.

Basically, the whole thing lasted about 30 minutes; they just talked for about 10 minutes about some of the details of one department (although, more time was devoted to Thanksgiving than the job details) then they took me on a 20 minute tour of the facilities. A few times they said things like "this is where you'd be doing this if you were here" and it felt more like they were selling it instead of me selling myself. So I left feeling pretty good about it, but then I had a long ass drive home by myself to second guess everything. You know how too much thinking time goes. They said I'll know by the end of the week. So here's to hoping.

Thank you again to everyone for your well wishes. It's meant a lot.

Crank it Up

2005-11-21T19:23:00.000-05:00

T minus 6 days, 14 hours and 13 minutes.

That is the official countdown to the big in person interview that follows my successful phone interview. I want this so bad! I am so nervous! Although, there have been a couple positive signs over the last few days. They called last Thursday and said (paraphrased, as I've slept and drank since then), "We've bascially narrowed it down and are now just looking to see where everyone would fit the best". I saw another sign today when I noticed the posting is no longer on their website. (They didn't just take the front page link down, the whole thing is gone). So with my interview still set for Monday at 9:30, I'll take that as a very positive, finalist type sign.

Having said all of that, I'm still not getting my hopes up. I want the rejection blow to be as soft as possible, so I'll continue to think there's absolutely no chance. So with that, can you all shift the good vibes back into high gear? (Don't worry Brew, I've got the chicken in the pot and am ready to do the running man, too).

Now I will take my fear and go find myself a nice little suit and some fabulous shoes for the big day. Yeah, that will make me feel better. To quote a line from a show I still cannot believe I watch (Laguna Beach); "When in doubt, shoe it out." (Deb, I think you should have that monogrammed).

Okay, thanks for the good vibes!

T minus 6 days, 14 hours and 7 minutes.

Who Does That -- Part VI

2005-11-14T10:07:00.000-05:00

Ahh, Monday morning. A time when the working world reluctantly rises from their cozy bed to meet the rising sun and start a brand new, glorious week punching the clock. Or so I'm told that is what Monday mornings are for.

I, on the other hand, pound the snooze button a good three or four times, lie in bed watching Sportscenter thinking "Why God? Why? Why do I have to get up and go again? Please don't make me, this bed is so warm and comfy". At some point though I finally feel the urge and rush off to start my glorious new week. (puke)

Arriving at work, I am greeted by cheerful morning people. You know the people I'm talking about. The people who when you open the door to the office practically yell "Good morning. How was your weekend? Want some coffee? Let me tell you this hugely exaggerated story about my weekend." Let's see, the response in my head says "Hell no I don't want any damn coffee. That shit is nasty. In fact I don't want you to speak to me yet. Come back in about two hours and I'll let you know then. Okay? And, oh yeah, bite me stupid morning person freak".

Now I don't really say those things, but damn I wish I could. I just mumble a quick "hello, it was fine" and mosey on to my desk. At this point I turn on my computer and check my few must visit morning websites. Imagine my extremely irritated state to find one of those sites has a new design. Talk about pissing off a non-morning person. How in the hell am I supposed to find the crap I usually read? I knew right where to click, I could do it in my sleep, and now you're sending me on some wild goose cyber chase. Yeah, well, you can bite me too, stupid website.

Morning people and redesigned websites....say it with me now:

Who does that?

Keep 'em Coming

2005-11-11T14:04:00.000-05:00

The phone interview seemed to go well. They're asking for an in person interview, so I'll definitely take that as a good sign. This, of course, means the appendage crossing, crazy dancing and black magic must continue. However, the interview won't be for around twelve days, so you can ease up just a tad. I'll let you know when to crank it back into high gear.

Many thank yous again for the well wishes.

I promise to give you all a full scale blog entry today or tomorrow. How about a Who Does That? Yeah, that sounds good. I'm sure there's something/someone I can rag on. ;)

Warm Fuzzies

2005-11-09T20:31:00.000-05:00

T minus 36 hours and 34 minutes.

That is the official countdown to my phone interview Friday morning. Guys and gals, this one is big! I really, really, really want this to work out. It is quite literally the one stepping stone to my dream job. Considering there are many factors to the decision process (on both sides), it's almost like the stars have to perfectly align for this to become reality. Which explains my extreme nervousness.

I'll post more details for you all later, but for now could you please just send me some positive/lucky energy?

Thanks!

T minus 36 hours and 30 minutes.

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia

2005-11-03T20:51:00.000-05:00

Why does there always have to be drama? And how the hell do I always get dragged into the drama?

Today I had a very important meeting (at least in the eyes of those who matter) with my vice-president, director, two co-workers and about ten students who we are using as a focus group for a new registration product. So I'm sitting in this meeting, listening to the students rehash their initial thoughts, opinions and suggestions on their experience with the software. I'm busily taking notes, and brainstorming on our next step in the implementation, when my phone vibrates. I, ever so slyly, managed to pull my phone out of my laptop case and read the text message.

It was from my best friend, we'll call her Marcia, with a message that said; "Have you heard from (Doug) Simpson today? He won't answer my calls or text msgs. What the fuck?"

I sent a quick reply via the web, you know so I was still typing and taking notes. It said; "Yes. Sent a text msg about a football trade. He said okay. Can't talk now. Important meeting."

Three minutes later my phone vibrates again. This time it says; "We had a long fight/talk last night but left alright. I don't get it. He's fucking ignoring me."

This time my quick web reply said; "Sucks, but very important meeting. I'll call when it's over."

Marcia got the hint that time and left me alone to finish my meeting, at which point I performed my womanly, sisterhood duty and called her to rehash the problem. After being introduced through a mutual friend (me), Marcia and Doug have been seeing each other for a few months. Bottom line is they are not committed and have discussed that fact time and time again. They're free to see other people, just be honest. Surprisingly, this situation has worked quite well. That is, until the last few weeks.

Both Marcia and Doug are very good friends of mine and they both apparently feel the need to turn to me for advice. This relationship is imploding and I am continuing to be dragged in the middle. "Why won't he answer my calls? Who is this Cindy chick?" "I care for her, but I don't want a committment. I sort of like Cindy, but Marcia is great too." Yada, yada, yada.

As it turns out, Doug took Cindy out on a date last night. Marcia found out and inquired with too many questions, which in turn made Doug uncomfortable and pissed off. Doug's brilliant mind decided that Marcia needs time to decide if she can really handle a non-committed relationship, only he didn't make her aware of that fact! He just decided not to answer her calls, emails or text messages. (I will never, ever understand the male mind. Who in the hell does that?) Now I've got a teary Marcia calling and wanting me to tell her what to do.

I told them that I love them both, they're both my friends and I'm not their junior high mediator. So please leave me out of it, grow up, start acting like the mid 20s adults they are, decide if they have a relationship or if they're just getting some booty and to schedule their drama around my meetings. ;)

Fish Bowls

2005-11-01T12:21:00.000-05:00

I'm not what some would call obsessed with it, but admittedly I have too much knowledge in the celebrity gossip world. It's sad, I know. Oh well, it entertains me. With that in mind, I pass along Pink is the new Blog. If you have any interest in the subject, then you must check it out. Hurry! Click! Go now! His commentary is ruthless, but I love it!

As a teaser, I give you a Halloween costume submitted by a reader of the blog.

Greatest costume ever!

Don’t move, dirtbag!

2005-10-30T16:22:00.000-05:00

Did you know things really are better in 3D? This past week, I was reminded of that fact in grand fashion. VH1 fabulously celebrated, yet again, a decade of greatness; the 80s. A time when we learned that saying “I don’t know” would get green slime dumped on your head. A time when Bob Ross showed us the joy of happy little trees. A time when a microwave, the size of my parents current 30 inch television, first entered our home. A time when my dad brought the wonders of beta into our living room with a VCR very close to the size of their current 30 inch television. (Although, I think my mom would be better served if VCRs still had the big tape deck that popped up with the two giant red and blue buttons).

Those of us in the know remember the 80s for the outrageously fun times the decade brought us. Were the children of the 90s allowed to keep White Rain in business with the mousse and hair spray necessary for a ‘do four inches tall? Was it okay for them to wear three layers of socks, all in different colors? Do they know anything about the Geri Curl, activator and carrying a pick with a pump built into the handle? Were they mallrats? Do they know about hanging out in the arcade? Would they have any clue what the first Gameboy was like? I think not. And to that I say “gag me with a spoon”.

We also know that Saturday mornings are not meant for soccer games; they’re supposed to be spent in front of the television fighting your brother for the right to watch Jem over G.I. Joe. Thanks to Jim McMahon and Refrigerator Perry, we know how to do the Super Bowl Shuffle. Rodney Dangerfield taught us how to do the Triple Lindy. Rocky took down communism one Drago at a time. Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day saved the village of Santa Poco from El Guapo. Hair bands single handedly killed the ozone layer, but showed us how to rock! Most importantly, we learned to always, always, always steer clear of the whammy.

So in honor of the decade that spawned Madonna and Mr. Wizard, flip open your Trapper Keeper, whip out your erasable ink pen, doodle your love for Menudo, stand up and yell your “WOLVERINES” pride, phone home, put on your headband, plan a trip to Walley World, beat the Alpha Betas in the homecoming carnival, make Long Duck Dong your wing man and “snap out of it!”

Who Does That -- Part V

2005-10-28T10:45:00.000-04:00

Picture this:

It's late on a Thursday evening. Being that you've decided to stay in tonight, you've just finished watching The Donald fire not one, but four interviewees on The Apprentice, and are settling in with Eeeeerrrrrr (pronounced ER by some people) when all of a sudden your phone rings. It's your best friend and she wants to know if you would be interested in going to "Ladies Night".

You, being a thrifty little devil, are required to say; "Psh. Free drinks, hell yeah I'm in!" Forget that you have to be at work at 8:00 AM, there are free drinks to be consumed. So you go with your friends to the bar, enjoy the free drinks, dance the night away and adjourn to your bed sometime around 3:30 AM. My aching head just has to ask ...

Who does that?

Can't Help Myself

2005-10-26T22:43:00.000-04:00

Note to my non-baseball obsessed readers ~ I know you exist. Try to deny it all you want, but you're reading. Now I know I promised you a break in the baseball reading until February, but I also reserved the right to post a necessary off-season blog here and there. Well, I'm sorry to say it's already one of those necessary times. So please forgive me and I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow with the much anticipated "Who Does That -- Part V".

As I watch the end of Game 4 in this year's World Series I can't help but feel a little retribution. It appears as though the Astros will be swept by the White Sox. While it is overly sad to see the National League swept two year's in a row, at the same time it is somewhat sweet music to my ears. You must be asking, "But Dana, how can that be?" Well allow me to explain that to you.

Where have all the Cardinals fans who are persistent Izzy bashers gone? I hear constant bitching regarding what a terrible closer he is and how the Cardinals should give up something as big as Ozzie Smith's spot in The Hall of Fame for a shot at Brad Lidge. Hmm. How good does Mr. I Gave Up Two Walk Off Homers in the Same Postseason look now? And oh yeah, he gave up the current leading run tonight, as well. Point being, Izzy is a top tier closer, just as Lidge is. They all have a bad day now and then; including Lidge. So stop it with the Izzy bashing, accept that he gets the job done and be happy he gets the job done for the Cards.

Another quick point is that the White Sox have so far scored 20 runs in four games against that same dominant Houston pitching the Cardinals barely touched. The Cardinals have an incredible offense, but for some reason they looked completely lost and scared out of their minds at the plate in the LCS. Ozzie Guillen sure as heck is not wound too tight and you can guarantee he is not putting too much pressure on his players. You can see it on their faces. The White Sox are walking to the plate with stars in their eyes, ready to happily swing away. That's they way it should be. It's baseball, not rocket science!

Last thought regarding the World Series; at least that incessant buzzing will finally stop! In the name of all things not incredibly annoying, I say thank you!

Okay, just had to say all of that. Whew! I feel better now.

A Wise Man Once Said

2005-10-25T22:54:00.000-04:00

"I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." ~ Linus Van Pelt

If I believe in the Great Pumpkin, do you think he will bring me that elusive new job? These wonderful jobs keep showing up; I keep getting calls, but no luck yet. Too much experience, not enough experience, compensation not high enough, shady company, you get the picture.

By the way, what the hell is too much experience? Are you telling me your company does not desire an employee who has the knowledge and competency to complete the necessary duties? Would it kill your company to employ someone who has more than the minimum skills required? Is it not possible that the potential employee, who supposedly has an over-abundance of knowledge (is that even possible?), could use their abilities to instill changes that would improve the day-to-day operations?

And continuing the what the hell theme, if one is not experienced enough, how does one get experience if there are not any companies willing to give them a chance? There is absolutely no way that all the jobs in the world require ten years of experience, at the upper-management level, over-seeing 15 blind monkeys with only one hand each, and a proven track record of success in the automated banana peeling industry. Okay, okay. I have absolutely no idea what in the ridiculously made up jobs I just described, but it paints an accurate picture, doesn't it?

Anyone who knows anything about me will tell you that patience is not my best virtue; by any means. So I turn to you oh Great Pumpkin. If I visit the pumpkin patch for your annual arrival, will you please bring me a job? ......... Oh good grief. I said if. I mean when I attend your yearly pumpkin patch show. ;)

That's All She Wrote

2005-10-20T11:38:00.000-04:00

Sadly, the end of 2005 is finally upon the Cardinals. It was a great run while it lasted, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to be their year.

A giant part of me just wants to tip my cap and say it was a great year, they accomplished so much with all the injuries and it's amazing they did as well as they did. But then there's disappointed and reflective fan in me.

I can't help but look at the recent postseasons and their failure to close the deal; especially with such talented teams. Even though they were good teams, with the circumstances and rosters of 1996, 2000, 2001 and 2002, I can somewhat stomach those loses. But the 2004 and 2005 teams were just made for a championship. I almost find it inexcusable for such a monstrous collapse. I don't care what people say, I put the majority of the blame square on Tony LaRussa.

The guy is in fact a baseball genius. He oozes knowledge about the sport. However, all that knowledge can lead him down a dangerous path at times. Ask just about any Cardinals fan, with a clue about the game, and they'll tell you LaRussa's over managing can drive them nuts. The reality is that baseball is a game; a little kids game that is supposed to fun. Some guys are just lucky enough to make a living playing this fun game. But when you have a manager who leads those guys so tight, because he's always thinking, they lose sight of the essence of the sport. A person who has the privilege to watch the Cardinals day in and day out of the regular season can see LaRussa wound tight, pacing the dugout, etc. But they can also watch as he just gets wound tighter and tighter as October nears. It doesn't take a lot to see that trickling down to his players. Yes, they need to take every game seriously, but there's a danger point where that business like attitude overflows and becomes too much pressure. I've watched LaRussa do that the last two Octobers and it's just so damn frustrating.

Don't get me wrong, LaRussa is a great manager. But is he meant to only be a great regular season manager? With over 2,200 regular season wins, 10 trips to the postseason, including four World Series appearances and only one ring, and just barely above a .500 record in postseason games, I can't help but wonder.

Another note about this year's NLCS versus the Astros; I hear a lot of griping in Cardinal Nation that the umpiring cost the Cardinals this series. I will agree there were indeed calls that were blown against the Cards, but what difference does it make if they can't hit above .200 with runners in scoring position? Folks, the umpires didn't cost the Cardinals a shot at another World Series title, the Cardinals cost themselves that shot. I think we should all layoff the umpires and the need for instant replay.

For my non-baseball obsessed readers, you will be happy to know this means the baseball talk should pretty much subside until about February. Although, I'm sure you will understand if I feel the need to post an occasional hot stove blog or countdown to Spring Training. ;)

Haiku II -- (It Worked Monday)

2005-10-19T11:33:00.000-04:00

They held off defeat
Told to believe, but I think
We need more bees stat

Poetic Justice

2005-10-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

"We were looking over to their bench, and guys were high-fiving. A couple of guys were even dancing. But until that fat lady sings, you can't do that." ~ Larry Walker

Haiku

2005-10-17T13:44:00.000-04:00

Sacrifice chickens,
I already tried that one.
A bee genocide?

Ho Hum

2005-10-14T16:45:00.000-04:00

It is 78 degrees in October, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the Cardinals got flat out owned by Roy Oswalt in game two of the NLCS, it is most definitely not a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

I was so perturbed last night; I mean literally to the point of telling Oswalt to "bite me" through the television. Mulder was alright, he didn't pitch great by any means, but he was decent and it sucked the offense didn't lift a finger to help him. The Cardinals just couldn't do anything with Oswalt. It was so frustrating to watch such a powerful offense get completely dominated. A couple of little league type things were frustrating too. For example, Grudzy not covering first and Molina's over-agressive passed ball. And Reggie Sanders took a horrible fall on the warning track; smacked his head hard on the dirt. God knows the Cardinals need him so, hopefully, he's alright.

It's 4:53 PM on Friday, which means I'm about to leave work. This is especially good news, as I really don't have good things to say, and there are many live chickens to sacrifice.

GO CARDS!

Who Does That -- Part IV

2005-10-12T00:13:00.000-04:00

The following is a paraphrased conversation between myself (henceforth known as "Me"), my boss (henceforth known as "Boss Man") and a co-worker from another department (henceforth known as "Blame Everyone But Myself Man").

Telephone rings ...

Me: This is Dana, how may I help you?

Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Very irritated voice) Dana, you did not give me the report you were supposed to have completed for me two days ago.

Me: I handed you that report three days ago. Are you sure you didn't misplace it?

Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Even more irritated voice) That report is absolutely vital and it is highly unacceptable that you would neglect to submit it.

Me: I'm sorry for the confusion, but I distinctly remember handing you that report at a meeting in my boss' office, as you stressed over and over that you needed it ASAP. I rushed to complete it because, as usual, you waited until the absolute last minute to request it.

Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Still with a very irritated voice) I have looked all over my office and it is not here. This is simply inexcusable! You are a terrible employee!

... Slams telephone

Boss Man: Dana, Blame Everyone But Myself Man called me and threw a hissy fit because you are not meeting deadlines and failed to give him that report he needed two days ago.

Me: I handed him that report three days ago when we were having that last meeting in your office.

Boss Man: Don't worry, I know that. I reminded him that he was supplied with that report in that meeting, and that three other people witnessed him take it from you. They also witnessed him thank you, over and over, for getting that done for him and then shoving it inside a folder crammed full of other papers.

Me: I tried to remind him of that, but he just raised his voice with me even more.

Boss Man: He tried that with me, too. I told him there was no need for that, with me or my staff members, and that he should go look in his office again. I also reminded him that there was no reason to freak out, as Dana always keeps a backup of her reports.

Me: Thank you, Boss Man.

Telephone Rings ...

Me: This is Dana, how may I help you?

Blame Everyone But Myself Man: Yeah, I found that report. It was under a big stack of papers. Okay, bye.

... Hangs up telephone before I can say anything.

Who Does That?

I Even Got My Own Dance ...

2005-10-11T14:58:00.000-04:00

Well, here we go again; Cardinals vs. the Asteroids in the NLCS. This is the big series right here. I am so nervous about this series. The 'stros are SCARE-EEE! If this series is anything like last year's, I'm not sure the Cardinals can take them again. I can tell you this much though:

1) If I have to listen to Cardinals fans spending the entire series bitching about Izzy, I think I will lose my mind. The guy is a top five closer and he gets the job done. Who gives a shit if he puts a man or two on base, as long as he gets the win. As Harry_Doyle pointed out on CCH, the Cardinals could have Jose Mesa.

2) The Killer Bs and that damn train whistle might be the two most annoying things in Major League Baseball. Here's to hoping the Cardinals pitching staff pulls off excellent starts in Minute Maid Park, because every time I hear that train I'm going to bang my head against the wall.

Can you tell I'm uber worried and uptight about this series? Of course you can tell, because I actually have great respect for Biggio, Bagwell and Berkman. I'm just irritably nervous. (Still hate that damn whistle though.)

I had a very enjoyable weekend. Visited my brother and sister-in-law in Memphis. We had plenty to keep us busy. My sister-in-law and I, of course, shopped, we ate lots of scrumdiddlyumscious Southern food, watched the playoffs games and generally had a family bonding, merry old time.

... "The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump".

Who Does That? -- Part III

2005-10-05T10:22:00.000-04:00

Hey! … Yes, I’m talking to you in the mini skirt, tube top and stilettos. Hang up your cell phone, put down your martini and come over here so I can teach you a little something something.

You’re in a SPORTS BAR! People didn’t come here to pick up a random piece of ass. They came here to watch the game(s). If you want to find a man to take home tonight, turn around, get back in your car and go downtown to a club. Got it? Okay, good. Now get the hell out of the way. You’re blocking the television and the waitress who is trying to give me another beer.

..........

You all know who I’m talking about; the women who pretend to be interested in sports just to try and land a man. The women who gripe because the baseball game they’re pretending to want to watch is “going into overtime.” The women who reluctantly, but with a smile, sit through a Packers game, only to complain that green and yellow just doesn’t match.

You know what; I’m not just going to pick on the wannabe sports gals here. Let’s not forget the men who know diddly squat about sports, but find a woman who does love her sports and then attempt to act all macho in an effort to impress her. Who do you think you’re fooling, Mr. I Just Called the First Base Umpire a Referee?

I swear there should be a law against this crap. Or, at the very least, some sort of entry quiz one must pass in order to be allowed in the sports bar. If you can’t answer simple questions, then too bad, you’re not getting in. Here are few examples:

A. Suicide squeeze ..... what is it?
B. Describe a hook and ladder.
C. What is a nickel back?
D. Would you sacrifice a batter with two outs?
E. Where is “the paint” on a basketball court?

I just don’t understand this pretend to be a sports gal crap. I guess if you want to go on attempting to have a relationship with someone you have to be fake with, then that’s your own decision. But I must ask .....

Who does that?

Fever?

2005-10-03T11:02:00.000-04:00

Once again, the Cardinals got shafted with crappy playing times in the Division Series. The first game is tomorrow at noon, with the second game scheduled for Thursday at 3:00 PM. Doesn't MLB know that people want to see this stuff, and the largest majority of people are at work when they have these games being played? ARGH!

I guess it will be alright, as I believe I am coming down with a fever. I should begin to feel the first effects tomorrow around 11:30 and then again on Thursday around, say 2:15. ;)

Who's on First?

2005-09-30T10:45:00.000-04:00

"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all". ~ Earl Weaver

"I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen". ~ Bob Lemon

"What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs". ~ Harry Caray

September 30th...Awe, what a depressing, yet extremely wonderful date. This morning I put on closed toe shoes for the first time since April, which totally blows. I hate cold weather; it's so depressing. But as sad as the onset of cold weather makes me, it also happens to be one of the my favorite times of year.

"But, why Dana? How can something that makes you sad make you so happy at the same time? How is that possible?" Heelllllloooooooo! The last day of September means the greatest event of the year is beginning. That's right, October baseball! Bring on the playoffs baby!

Beginning with tonight's BoSox/Yanks game, I will be held hostage by the television, couch and beer until the last pitch of the Fall Classic is thrown. For example, next weekend I'm supposed to make one of my many trips to Memphis to visit my brother and sister-in-law. My parents and I are going to ride together since there is no sense in driving two vehicles. Last night they called me attempting to plan when to leave, etc. (They're big planners and I am so not! My official title is The Queen of Procrastination). They wanted to leave Thursday after work. I said that was simply out of the question; absolutely not possible, as there are Division Series games to be played that night. How can one be expected to miss a minute of postseason baseball? Duh!

This weekend marks the final regular season series at Busch Stadium. Literally hundreds of people associated Cardinals history will be on hand for the celebrations. I have many mixed emotions about the change in Cardinals baseball scenery, as my Cardinal memories are in this stadium but the new digs should be spectacular. So in honor of your namesake; here's to you Busch.

One last thought about this weekend's baseball festivities.......Mark "I'm Not Here to Talk About the Past" McGwire is being bestowed the honor of participating in the Busch Stadium countdown. This is a complete bullshit move by Cardinals management. They are shunning a major hero in Cardinals history (my man Willie McGee) and honoring a man who tainted the game of baseball and the Cardinals organization at the same time. That's right I said it; HE TAINTED THE GAME! I didn't like McGwire before he was a Cardinal and I didn't like him as a Cardinal either. People try to say: "Oh, he's never been caught"; "He saved the game of baseball"; yada, yada, yada. While it was not against the rules at the time, he was indeed caught with the performance enhancing drug Andro. And his horrible dance around the questions performance in Congress only made him look like a complete cheating, jackass. The man is a cheat just like Barroids B*nds. You know what else I find funny; a big majority of the people I know who defend Big Red are the first people jumping all over Barroids for cheating. Hypocrisy if I've ever seen it. And in conclusion ... Willie McGee is ten times the man and baseball player Mark McGwire ever was and CAL RIPKEN SAVED BASEBALL!!!

Okay, no more soap box. Enjoy your weekend of baseball folks.

Black Magic Woman

2005-09-28T00:35:00.000-04:00

Have I mentioned that I hate Barroids B*nds? The man is the disgusting, yellow deodorant stain on the underarm of Major League Baseball.

If the Giants end up edging out the Padres in the NL West, I might have to boycott the entire postseason. Even if it means forfeiting my rights to watch my beloved Cardinals play October baseball. I can't take another round of the "let's put the Mayor of Cheaterroidjerkvilleton on a national stage and applaud him" game.

If and when he finally passes the Great Bambino on the all time homerun list, I think I will be forced to lock myself in my bedroom and cry for an entire day. No way does this man deserve to be mentioned in the same baseball lore as the Babe. If only he could be forced into retirement immediately after he hits 713; that would be sweet poetic justice.

Perhaps I should dust off the ole gris gris. I haven't had to use it since 2003, but a little black magic could be in order. ... You all thought Steve Bartman was just a freak thing with a non-thinking fan, didn't you? ;)

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

2005-09-27T15:04:00.000-04:00

JOEY: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.

RACHEL: The fear?

CHANDLER: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.

RACHEL: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?

CHANDLER: Because, I'm too afraid.

What is this fear and where does one find it? If you know where I can find 'the fear', could you pass that information along please? .... ASAP.

One, Two, Three, Get Loose Now!

2005-09-21T01:51:00.000-04:00

I just stayed home tonight. Watched the Memphis Cardinals lose to the Reds and the premiere of Jason "No, you did not read that wrong, I really did name my son Pilot Inspektor" Lee's new show My Name is Earl. Or as my mom so eloquently called it, Who the Hell is Eddie?

Bless her heart; she is forever saying stuff like that. She is not stupid, by any means; more of a combination of ditziness and gullibility. It's almost like her brain works 50,000 times faster than her mouth or her handwriting can keep up with. Like the time she made these helpful signs to label the soda bins at the family reunion. It was a very fun event, and we all enjoyed some refreshing "Sprita". Or how no matter how unbelievably out there of a story my brother and I tell her, she whole-heartedly believes us, each and every time.

After work today she called me and said that my dad really wanted to see that new show that he thought looked pretty funny, but he couldn't remember when it was on. She thought I might know so she proceeded to ask, "Do you know when that Who the Hell is Eddie show comes on?" Sadly, I know my mom so well, that I knew exactly what she meant. I busted out laughing and said, "Well mom, I'm not sure who in the hell Eddie is either, but My Name is Earl is on tonight on NBC." And in keeping with family tradition, I immediately hung up with her and flipped that little phone back open to call my brother and tell him about Eddie. He, of course, laughed uncontrollably then called mom to tease her. She in turn called me back and asked why I just had to call my big brother and tell him what she said. It's our circle of trust, and it keeps us very entertained. Mom knows we love her though.

Regarding Earl; who knows if the episodes past the premiere will be any good, but this first one was good stuff. A few of the one liners from the first episode included: "Patty doesn’t care about muscles. Muscles can’t buy Mad Dog."; and "Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob." I didn't quite figure out if it's the fact that they're stuck in this tiny town and have yet to be exposed to post 90s culture, or if the show is actually set in the 90s, but the 90s references were laugh out loud. I mean any show that gives shout outs to Mad Dog 20/20 and Rob Base in the first episode is alright with me.

In closing ....

"Never underestimate the power of 15 beers, a little enlightenment and MC Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock."

Who Does That? -- Part II

2005-09-21T01:34:00.000-04:00

Pilot Inspektor. In case you didn't catch it the first time, let me say it again, Pilot Inspektor. That's right, Jason Lee named his son Pilot Inspektor!

Now this is not exactly new news, as I think the child is a couple of years old now, but everytime I see anything with Jason Lee I can't stop myself from saying "he named his son PI-LOT INS-PEK-TOR!!" Every parent-to-be should have to submit their final three choices for baby names to a committee of about 25 third party bystanders. That should be enough people to ensure that all possible torturous, playground nicknames are thought of and, therefore, prevented.

We all know about Apple Martin, Coco Cox and even Jett Travolta, but I'm not just picking on celebrities here. Normal people name their kids stupid stuff too. I went to school with a kid named after a faulty car part. No lies. Nothing but the truth here. His namesake was a faulty car part!

Who does that?

What's Happening Hot Stuff?

2005-09-20T17:47:00.000-04:00

Check out the uber hot picture of myself I added to my profile. :)

That's all for now, but there's an actual post coming just around the corner. Promise.

22 -- The Sequel

2005-09-13T12:13:00.000-04:00

Another year? Really? Already? Say it ain't so.

Birthdays are fun, but do I really have to acknowledge the addition of another number? Psh. I think not. So I won't. I turned 22 (again) two days ago.

Since everyone has to work on Mondays, the friends decided to take me out Saturday night. We went out for sushi and drinks, then we moved onto my favorite sports bar so we could continue the celebrations with the Cardinals game and the three football games we wanted to watch. After that, we headed downtown for some dancing and pub crawling. Good times. Sunday (my actual birthday) my mom made me her fabulous lasagna for my birthday dinner. My poor dad does not like Italian food at all, but he suffered through for his little girl's birthday. I'd definitely call it a birthday success story. Stay tuned for next year's celebration; 25 -- The Sequel^2.

Final thought......I hate Barroids B*nds.

Troops, Good Deeds and (More) Football

2005-09-09T01:04:00.000-04:00

I just ran across a blog that I used to read fairly often. Actually, Doc in the Box is just one of the many military blogs I used to frequent. I still read them from time to time, but not nearly as often as I once did. If you are not familiar with the life of a military person, especially a deployed military person, I highly recommend reading some milblogs. (Note: Those blogs have been known to contain hefty use of coarse language. Just a warning in case you are offended by such things.) They provide great insight into the everyday lives of the men and women putting their selves out there for us. Whether or not you agree with the the war on terror, these people are heroes and deserve our respect. But I digress. Doc in the Box is a Navy Corpsman, currently stateside, who has been deployed to "the Sand Box" twice. His blog literally has tons of links to other milblogs and military support sites, but what I enjoy most about his blog is his photography. He is an amateur photographer and, when deployed, used his separate photoblog to post pictures so friends and family could catch a glimpse of their Marine. I do not remember how, but I somehow stumbled across his blog on his first deployment and followed his unit all the way through both deployments. The pictures were excellent and showed their lives in a way you will never see on any news program. Anyway, I noticed some military support links on his blog today that interested me, so I though I would share. Support your troops!

Soldier's Angels
List of Support Sites

And while I'm on doing good deeds, if anyone is actually reading this, and has yet to donate, I encourage you to please do something to help the people affected by Hurricane Katrina. It might sound trite, but no gift is too small and every little bit helps. I work in philanthropy and we know that if each person in our constituency pool gave just $10, we would far exceed our monetary goal. Just goes to show that every little bit does count. Do what you can; it's needed.

The Cardinals beat up on the Pond Scum, err, I mean the Mets tonight. Pujols went yard twice and John Gall got his first major league dinger. That was awesome. I've had the pleasure of seeing Gall play in AAA a few times and it's fun to see those guys get a chance to shine for a month on their call up. Been watching the Pats/Raiders game too. Brady is looking as good as expected; 282 yards and two TDs with 9:23 left in 4th quarter. I'd say that's a pretty good start for my fantasy team! And Jimmy Kimmel told me, during the half time show, that Matt Leinart will be on his show tonight. Looks like I'll be staying up and watching Kimmel tonight. :-D

Who Does That?

2005-09-08T13:15:00.000-04:00

You know how sometimes you forget to bring your lunch, but don't really feel like walking all they way across campus, playing a game of Frogger trying to cross the street, just to get your car parked in that ridiculously small parking lot, so you choose to stay, turn off the light, lock the door and eat in your office? Well that was me today.

I walked over to the campus eatery (no, not the cafeteria; the decent, edible one) to get some lunch and bring it back to my office. I ordered my Parmesan Chicken Wrap, fries and fountain drink to which the little girl behind the counter said, "That will be $4.53". That's fine; it's cheap enough and it's decent, edible food. I hand the little girl my $5 and she returns my change. Awe, but then I added those three fateful litte words, "to go please". Little girl behind the counter's response, "Oh, we're out of to go boxes. We just have the regular paper plates we serve in the dining room. I hope that's okay". Well, you already have my money, I'm hungry and I only have to walk to the building next door with my plate of food, so I guess it's okay.

I waited for my number to be called, picked up my food, carried the plate of uncovered food to my office and proceeded to turn off the lights and lock the door. If only I could leave it like that all day. :)

But I must ask myself, what kind of restaurant, that serves food to go, runs out of to go boxes? I mean it's not like you couldn't see the stack of little styrofoam boxes dwindling. It seems to me that when you see the stack reach a size less than, oh say, 200 or so, you would pick up the phone and order some more little styrofoam boxes. This doesn't just happen in a matter of minutes, it happens over a matter of days! You have the time to see the need for little styrofoam boxes, so order some more!

Who does that?

Football? Really?

2005-09-05T22:54:00.000-04:00

I signed up here almost a year ago, when I was attempting to leave a comment on my friend Whitney's Blog, with the intentions of starting my own blog but never started posting. So here we are eleven months later and, having been inspired by my CCH counterparts (C70, NJ, and Brew), I've finally decided I'm going to give it a go. Hopefully, I'll keep it up.

I'm watching the Miami/Florida State game. Right now FSU is on top 10-7 with five minutes to go in the third quarter. I'm rooting for the Noles in this one.

I've spent a good deal of time watching football this weekend, albeit with mixed emotions. I love football, especially college football, so I am uber excited for the start of another season on the gridiron. But at the same time, it's still 90 degrees outside. That's not football weather! I so wish football would start at the beginning of October. Then it would go all the way through February, thus completely eliminating that torturous month between the end of football and the start of MLB Spring Training. Alas, we are stuck with the schedule the way it is, so I take it and enjoy the football when it comes.

Stay tuned. This blog will be continued ... hopefully.