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Did you know things really are better in 3D? This past week, I was reminded of that fact in grand fashion. VH1 fabulously celebrated, yet again, a decade of greatness; the 80s. A time when we learned that saying “I don’t know” would get green slime dumped on your head. A time when Bob Ross showed us the joy of happy little trees. A time when a microwave, the size of my parents current 30 inch television, first entered our home. A time when my dad brought the wonders of beta into our living room with a VCR very close to the size of their current 30 inch television. (Although, I think my mom would be better served if VCRs still had the big tape deck that popped up with the two giant red and blue buttons).
Those of us in the know remember the 80s for the outrageously fun times the decade brought us. Were the children of the 90s allowed to keep White Rain in business with the mousse and hair spray necessary for a ‘do four inches tall? Was it okay for them to wear three layers of socks, all in different colors? Do they know anything about the Geri Curl, activator and carrying a pick with a pump built into the handle? Were they mallrats? Do they know about hanging out in the arcade? Would they have any clue what the first Gameboy was like? I think not. And to that I say “gag me with a spoon”.
We also know that Saturday mornings are not meant for soccer games; they’re supposed to be spent in front of the television fighting your brother for the right to watch Jem over G.I. Joe. Thanks to Jim McMahon and Refrigerator Perry, we know how to do the Super Bowl Shuffle. Rodney Dangerfield taught us how to do the Triple Lindy. Rocky took down communism one Drago at a time. Ned Nederlander, Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day saved the village of Santa Poco from El Guapo. Hair bands single handedly killed the ozone layer, but showed us how to rock! Most importantly, we learned to always, always, always steer clear of the whammy.
So in honor of the decade that spawned Madonna and Mr. Wizard, flip open your Trapper Keeper, whip out your erasable ink pen, doodle your love for Menudo, stand up and yell your “WOLVERINES” pride, phone home, put on your headband, plan a trip to Walley World, beat the Alpha Betas in the homecoming carnival, make Long Duck Dong your wing man and “snap out of it!”
Picture this:It's late on a Thursday evening. Being that you've decided to stay in tonight, you've just finished watching The Donald fire not one, but four interviewees on The Apprentice, and are settling in with Eeeeerrrrrr (pronounced ER by some people) when all of a sudden your phone rings. It's your best friend and she wants to know if you would be interested in going to "Ladies Night". You, being a thrifty little devil, are required to say; "Psh. Free drinks, hell yeah I'm in!" Forget that you have to be at work at 8:00 AM, there are free drinks to be consumed. So you go with your friends to the bar, enjoy the free drinks, dance the night away and adjourn to your bed sometime around 3:30 AM. My aching head just has to ask ...Who does that?
Note to my non-baseball obsessed readers ~ I know you exist. Try to deny it all you want, but you're reading. Now I know I promised you a break in the baseball reading until February, but I also reserved the right to post a necessary off-season blog here and there. Well, I'm sorry to say it's already one of those necessary times. So please forgive me and I promise I'll make it up to you tomorrow with the much anticipated "Who Does That -- Part V".
As I watch the end of Game 4 in this year's World Series I can't help but feel a little retribution. It appears as though the Astros will be swept by the White Sox. While it is overly sad to see the National League swept two year's in a row, at the same time it is somewhat sweet music to my ears. You must be asking, "But Dana, how can that be?" Well allow me to explain that to you.
Where have all the Cardinals fans who are persistent Izzy bashers gone? I hear constant bitching regarding what a terrible closer he is and how the Cardinals should give up something as big as Ozzie Smith's spot in The Hall of Fame for a shot at Brad Lidge. Hmm. How good does Mr. I Gave Up Two Walk Off Homers in the Same Postseason look now? And oh yeah, he gave up the current leading run tonight, as well. Point being, Izzy is a top tier closer, just as Lidge is. They all have a bad day now and then; including Lidge. So stop it with the Izzy bashing, accept that he gets the job done and be happy he gets the job done for the Cards.
Another quick point is that the White Sox have so far scored 20 runs in four games against that same dominant Houston pitching the Cardinals barely touched. The Cardinals have an incredible offense, but for some reason they looked completely lost and scared out of their minds at the plate in the LCS. Ozzie Guillen sure as heck is not wound too tight and you can guarantee he is not putting too much pressure on his players. You can see it on their faces. The White Sox are walking to the plate with stars in their eyes, ready to happily swing away. That's they way it should be. It's baseball, not rocket science!Last thought regarding the World Series; at least that incessant buzzing will finally stop! In the name of all things not incredibly annoying, I say thank you!Okay, just had to say all of that. Whew! I feel better now.
"I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin." ~ Linus Van Pelt
If I believe in the Great Pumpkin, do you think he will bring me that elusive new job? These wonderful jobs keep showing up; I keep getting calls, but no luck yet. Too much experience, not enough experience, compensation not high enough, shady company, you get the picture.
By the way, what the hell is too much experience? Are you telling me your company does not desire an employee who has the knowledge and competency to complete the necessary duties? Would it kill your company to employ someone who has more than the minimum skills required? Is it not possible that the potential employee, who supposedly has an over-abundance of knowledge (is that even possible?), could use their abilities to instill changes that would improve the day-to-day operations?
And continuing the what the hell theme, if one is not experienced enough, how does one get experience if there are not any companies willing to give them a chance? There is absolutely no way that all the jobs in the world require ten years of experience, at the upper-management level, over-seeing 15 blind monkeys with only one hand each, and a proven track record of success in the automated banana peeling industry. Okay, okay. I have absolutely no idea what in the ridiculously made up jobs I just described, but it paints an accurate picture, doesn't it? Anyone who knows anything about me will tell you that patience is not my best virtue; by any means. So I turn to you oh Great Pumpkin. If I visit the pumpkin patch for your annual arrival, will you please bring me a job? ......... Oh good grief. I said if. I mean when I attend your yearly pumpkin patch show. ;)
Sadly, the end of 2005 is finally upon the Cardinals. It was a great run while it lasted, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to be their year. A giant part of me just wants to tip my cap and say it was a great year, they accomplished so much with all the injuries and it's amazing they did as well as they did. But then there's disappointed and reflective fan in me. I can't help but look at the recent postseasons and their failure to close the deal; especially with such talented teams. Even though they were good teams, with the circumstances and rosters of 1996, 2000, 2001 and 2002, I can somewhat stomach those loses. But the 2004 and 2005 teams were just made for a championship. I almost find it inexcusable for such a monstrous collapse. I don't care what people say, I put the majority of the blame square on Tony LaRussa. The guy is in fact a baseball genius. He oozes knowledge about the sport. However, all that knowledge can lead him down a dangerous path at times. Ask just about any Cardinals fan, with a clue about the game, and they'll tell you LaRussa's over managing can drive them nuts. The reality is that baseball is a game; a little kids game that is supposed to fun. Some guys are just lucky enough to make a living playing this fun game. But when you have a manager who leads those guys so tight, because he's always thinking, they lose sight of the essence of the sport. A person who has the privilege to watch the Cardinals day in and day out of the regular season can see LaRussa wound tight, pacing the dugout, etc. But they can also watch as he just gets wound tighter and tighter as October nears. It doesn't take a lot to see that trickling down to his players. Yes, they need to take every game seriously, but there's a danger point where that business like attitude overflows and becomes too much pressure. I've watched LaRussa do that the last two Octobers and it's just so damn frustrating. Don't get me wrong, LaRussa is a great manager. But is he meant to only be a great regular season manager? With over 2,200 regular season wins, 10 trips to the postseason, including four World Series appearances and only one ring, and just barely above a .500 record in postseason games, I can't help but wonder. Another note about this year's NLCS versus the Astros; I hear a lot of griping in Cardinal Nation that the umpiring cost the Cardinals this series. I will agree there were indeed calls that were blown against the Cards, but what difference does it make if they can't hit above .200 with runners in scoring position? Folks, the umpires didn't cost the Cardinals a shot at another World Series title, the Cardinals cost themselves that shot. I think we should all layoff the umpires and the need for instant replay. For my non-baseball obsessed readers, you will be happy to know this means the baseball talk should pretty much subside until about February. Although, I'm sure you will understand if I feel the need to post an occasional hot stove blog or countdown to Spring Training. ;)
They held off defeat
Told to believe, but I think
We need more bees stat
"We were looking over to their bench, and guys were high-fiving. A couple of guys were even dancing. But until that fat lady sings, you can't do that." ~ Larry Walker
Sacrifice chickens,
I already tried that one.
A bee genocide?
It is 78 degrees in October, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, the Cardinals got flat out owned by Roy Oswalt in game two of the NLCS, it is most definitely not a beautiful day in the neighborhood.
I was so perturbed last night; I mean literally to the point of telling Oswalt to "bite me" through the television. Mulder was alright, he didn't pitch great by any means, but he was decent and it sucked the offense didn't lift a finger to help him. The Cardinals just couldn't do anything with Oswalt. It was so frustrating to watch such a powerful offense get completely dominated. A couple of little league type things were frustrating too. For example, Grudzy not covering first and Molina's over-agressive passed ball. And Reggie Sanders took a horrible fall on the warning track; smacked his head hard on the dirt. God knows the Cardinals need him so, hopefully, he's alright.
It's 4:53 PM on Friday, which means I'm about to leave work. This is especially good news, as I really don't have good things to say, and there are many live chickens to sacrifice.
GO CARDS!
The following is a paraphrased conversation between myself (henceforth known as "Me"), my boss (henceforth known as "Boss Man") and a co-worker from another department (henceforth known as "Blame Everyone But Myself Man"). Telephone rings ...Me: This is Dana, how may I help you?Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Very irritated voice) Dana, you did not give me the report you were supposed to have completed for me two days ago. Me: I handed you that report three days ago. Are you sure you didn't misplace it? Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Even more irritated voice) That report is absolutely vital and it is highly unacceptable that you would neglect to submit it. Me: I'm sorry for the confusion, but I distinctly remember handing you that report at a meeting in my boss' office, as you stressed over and over that you needed it ASAP. I rushed to complete it because, as usual, you waited until the absolute last minute to request it. Blame Everyone But Myself Man: (Still with a very irritated voice) I have looked all over my office and it is not here. This is simply inexcusable! You are a terrible employee!... Slams telephoneBoss Man: Dana, Blame Everyone But Myself Man called me and threw a hissy fit because you are not meeting deadlines and failed to give him that report he needed two days ago. Me: I handed him that report three days ago when we were having that last meeting in your office. Boss Man: Don't worry, I know that. I reminded him that he was supplied with that report in that meeting, and that three other people witnessed him take it from you. They also witnessed him thank you, over and over, for getting that done for him and then shoving it inside a folder crammed full of other papers. Me: I tried to remind him of that, but he just raised his voice with me even more. Boss Man: He tried that with me, too. I told him there was no need for that, with me or my staff members, and that he should go look in his office again. I also reminded him that there was no reason to freak out, as Dana always keeps a backup of her reports. Me: Thank you, Boss Man. Telephone Rings ...Me: This is Dana, how may I help you?Blame Everyone But Myself Man: Yeah, I found that report. It was under a big stack of papers. Okay, bye. ... Hangs up telephone before I can say anything. Who Does That?
Well, here we go again; Cardinals vs. the Asteroids in the NLCS. This is the big series right here. I am so nervous about this series. The 'stros are SCARE-EEE! If this series is anything like last year's, I'm not sure the Cardinals can take them again. I can tell you this much though: 1) If I have to listen to Cardinals fans spending the entire series bitching about Izzy, I think I will lose my mind. The guy is a top five closer and he gets the job done. Who gives a shit if he puts a man or two on base, as long as he gets the win. As Harry_Doyle pointed out on CCH, the Cardinals could have Jose Mesa.
2) The Killer Bs and that damn train whistle might be the two most annoying things in Major League Baseball. Here's to hoping the Cardinals pitching staff pulls off excellent starts in Minute Maid Park, because every time I hear that train I'm going to bang my head against the wall.
Can you tell I'm uber worried and uptight about this series? Of course you can tell, because I actually have great respect for Biggio, Bagwell and Berkman. I'm just irritably nervous. (Still hate that damn whistle though.) I had a very enjoyable weekend. Visited my brother and sister-in-law in Memphis. We had plenty to keep us busy. My sister-in-law and I, of course, shopped, we ate lots of scrumdiddlyumscious Southern food, watched the playoffs games and generally had a family bonding, merry old time. ... "The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump".
Hey! … Yes, I’m talking to you in the mini skirt, tube top and stilettos. Hang up your cell phone, put down your martini and come over here so I can teach you a little something something.
You’re in a SPORTS BAR! People didn’t come here to pick up a random piece of ass. They came here to watch the game(s). If you want to find a man to take home tonight, turn around, get back in your car and go downtown to a club. Got it? Okay, good. Now get the hell out of the way. You’re blocking the television and the waitress who is trying to give me another beer. ..........
You all know who I’m talking about; the women who pretend to be interested in sports just to try and land a man. The women who gripe because the baseball game they’re pretending to want to watch is “going into overtime.” The women who reluctantly, but with a smile, sit through a Packers game, only to complain that green and yellow just doesn’t match.
You know what; I’m not just going to pick on the wannabe sports gals here. Let’s not forget the men who know diddly squat about sports, but find a woman who does love her sports and then attempt to act all macho in an effort to impress her. Who do you think you’re fooling, Mr. I Just Called the First Base Umpire a Referee?
I swear there should be a law against this crap. Or, at the very least, some sort of entry quiz one must pass in order to be allowed in the sports bar. If you can’t answer simple questions, then too bad, you’re not getting in. Here are few examples: A. Suicide squeeze ..... what is it?
B. Describe a hook and ladder.
C. What is a nickel back?
D. Would you sacrifice a batter with two outs?
E. Where is “the paint” on a basketball court?
I just don’t understand this pretend to be a sports gal crap. I guess if you want to go on attempting to have a relationship with someone you have to be fake with, then that’s your own decision. But I must ask .....
Who does that?
Once again, the Cardinals got shafted with crappy playing times in the Division Series. The first game is tomorrow at noon, with the second game scheduled for Thursday at 3:00 PM. Doesn't MLB know that people want to see this stuff, and the largest majority of people are at work when they have these games being played? ARGH! I guess it will be alright, as I believe I am coming down with a fever. I should begin to feel the first effects tomorrow around 11:30 and then again on Thursday around, say 2:15. ;)
"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all". ~ Earl Weaver
"I've come to the conclusion that the two most important things in life are good friends and a good bullpen". ~ Bob Lemon
"What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs". ~ Harry Caray
September 30th...Awe, what a depressing, yet extremely wonderful date. This morning I put on closed toe shoes for the first time since April, which totally blows. I hate cold weather; it's so depressing. But as sad as the onset of cold weather makes me, it also happens to be one of the my favorite times of year. "But, why Dana? How can something that makes you sad make you so happy at the same time? How is that possible?" Heelllllloooooooo! The last day of September means the greatest event of the year is beginning. That's right, October baseball! Bring on the playoffs baby!Beginning with tonight's BoSox/Yanks game, I will be held hostage by the television, couch and beer until the last pitch of the Fall Classic is thrown. For example, next weekend I'm supposed to make one of my many trips to Memphis to visit my brother and sister-in-law. My parents and I are going to ride together since there is no sense in driving two vehicles. Last night they called me attempting to plan when to leave, etc. (They're big planners and I am so not! My official title is The Queen of Procrastination). They wanted to leave Thursday after work. I said that was simply out of the question; absolutely not possible, as there are Division Series games to be played that night. How can one be expected to miss a minute of postseason baseball? Duh! This weekend marks the final regular season series at Busch Stadium. Literally hundreds of people associated Cardinals history will be on hand for the celebrations. I have many mixed emotions about the change in Cardinals baseball scenery, as my Cardinal memories are in this stadium but the new digs should be spectacular. So in honor of your namesake; here's to you Busch. One last thought about this weekend's baseball festivities.......Mark "I'm Not Here to Talk About the Past" McGwire is being bestowed the honor of participating in the Busch Stadium countdown. This is a complete bullshit move by Cardinals management. They are shunning a major hero in Cardinals history (my man Willie McGee) and honoring a man who tainted the game of baseball and the Cardinals organization at the same time. That's right I said it; HE TAINTED THE GAME! I didn't like McGwire before he was a Cardinal and I didn't like him as a Cardinal either. People try to say: "Oh, he's never been caught"; "He saved the game of baseball"; yada, yada, yada. While it was not against the rules at the time, he was indeed caught with the performance enhancing drug Andro. And his horrible dance around the questions performance in Congress only made him look like a complete cheating, jackass. The man is a cheat just like Barroids B*nds. You know what else I find funny; a big majority of the people I know who defend Big Red are the first people jumping all over Barroids for cheating. Hypocrisy if I've ever seen it. And in conclusion ... Willie McGee is ten times the man and baseball player Mark McGwire ever was and CAL RIPKEN SAVED BASEBALL!!! Okay, no more soap box. Enjoy your weekend of baseball folks.
Have I mentioned that I hate Barroids B*nds? The man is the disgusting, yellow deodorant stain on the underarm of Major League Baseball. If the Giants end up edging out the Padres in the NL West, I might have to boycott the entire postseason. Even if it means forfeiting my rights to watch my beloved Cardinals play October baseball. I can't take another round of the "let's put the Mayor of Cheaterroidjerkvilleton on a national stage and applaud him" game.
If and when he finally passes the Great Bambino on the all time homerun list, I think I will be forced to lock myself in my bedroom and cry for an entire day. No way does this man deserve to be mentioned in the same baseball lore as the Babe. If only he could be forced into retirement immediately after he hits 713; that would be sweet poetic justice. Perhaps I should dust off the ole gris gris. I haven't had to use it since 2003, but a little black magic could be in order. ... You all thought Steve Bartman was just a freak thing with a non-thinking fan, didn't you? ;)
JOEY: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing you to get another one. You need the fear.
RACHEL: The fear?
CHANDLER: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go after a job you really want.
RACHEL: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why don't you quit and get 'the fear'?
CHANDLER: Because, I'm too afraid.
What is this fear and where does one find it? If you know where I can find 'the fear', could you pass that information along please? .... ASAP.
I just stayed home tonight. Watched the Memphis Cardinals lose to the Reds and the premiere of Jason "No, you did not read that wrong, I really did name my son Pilot Inspektor" Lee's new show My Name is Earl. Or as my mom so eloquently called it, Who the Hell is Eddie? Bless her heart; she is forever saying stuff like that. She is not stupid, by any means; more of a combination of ditziness and gullibility. It's almost like her brain works 50,000 times faster than her mouth or her handwriting can keep up with. Like the time she made these helpful signs to label the soda bins at the family reunion. It was a very fun event, and we all enjoyed some refreshing "Sprita". Or how no matter how unbelievably out there of a story my brother and I tell her, she whole-heartedly believes us, each and every time. After work today she called me and said that my dad really wanted to see that new show that he thought looked pretty funny, but he couldn't remember when it was on. She thought I might know so she proceeded to ask, "Do you know when that Who the Hell is Eddie show comes on?" Sadly, I know my mom so well, that I knew exactly what she meant. I busted out laughing and said, "Well mom, I'm not sure who in the hell Eddie is either, but My Name is Earl is on tonight on NBC." And in keeping with family tradition, I immediately hung up with her and flipped that little phone back open to call my brother and tell him about Eddie. He, of course, laughed uncontrollably then called mom to tease her. She in turn called me back and asked why I just had to call my big brother and tell him what she said. It's our circle of trust, and it keeps us very entertained. Mom knows we love her though. Regarding Earl; who knows if the episodes past the premiere will be any good, but this first one was good stuff. A few of the one liners from the first episode included: "Patty doesn’t care about muscles. Muscles can’t buy Mad Dog."; and "Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob." I didn't quite figure out if it's the fact that they're stuck in this tiny town and have yet to be exposed to post 90s culture, or if the show is actually set in the 90s, but the 90s references were laugh out loud. I mean any show that gives shout outs to Mad Dog 20/20 and Rob Base in the first episode is alright with me. In closing .... "Never underestimate the power of 15 beers, a little enlightenment and MC Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock."
Pilot Inspektor. In case you didn't catch it the first time, let me say it again, Pilot Inspektor. That's right, Jason Lee named his son Pilot Inspektor! Now this is not exactly new news, as I think the child is a couple of years old now, but everytime I see anything with Jason Lee I can't stop myself from saying "he named his son PI-LOT INS-PEK-TOR!!" Every parent-to-be should have to submit their final three choices for baby names to a committee of about 25 third party bystanders. That should be enough people to ensure that all possible torturous, playground nicknames are thought of and, therefore, prevented. We all know about Apple Martin, Coco Cox and even Jett Travolta, but I'm not just picking on celebrities here. Normal people name their kids stupid stuff too. I went to school with a kid named after a faulty car part. No lies. Nothing but the truth here. His namesake was a faulty car part! Who does that?
Check out the uber hot picture of myself I added to my profile. :)That's all for now, but there's an actual post coming just around the corner. Promise.
Another year? Really? Already? Say it ain't so.
Birthdays are fun, but do I really have to acknowledge the addition of another number? Psh. I think not. So I won't. I turned 22 (again) two days ago.
Since everyone has to work on Mondays, the friends decided to take me out Saturday night. We went out for sushi and drinks, then we moved onto my favorite sports bar so we could continue the celebrations with the Cardinals game and the three football games we wanted to watch. After that, we headed downtown for some dancing and pub crawling. Good times. Sunday (my actual birthday) my mom made me her fabulous lasagna for my birthday dinner. My poor dad does not like Italian food at all, but he suffered through for his little girl's birthday. I'd definitely call it a birthday success story. Stay tuned for next year's celebration; 25 -- The Sequel^2. Final thought......I hate Barroids B*nds.
