Asshat

As you, my loyal readers, should surely know I am a lifelong Cardinals fan. Contrary to what people might think Maverick's loyalty to another team does not sway me one bit. We've both become closeted fans of the other's team, but that team will never take the spot of our first baseball loves. Throughout my entire life (no, I'm still not telling just how long that is) the one constant has been my love for the Cardinals. I truly bleed red; Cardinals red.

However that doesn't mean there are not things about the team that I don't hate. For instance, there's a certain man -- scratch that -- there's a certain immature, pompous, annoying, overly cocky, overpaid, defensive abomination, offensive hacker, undeserving, beneficiary of serious nepotism, asshat patrolling left field in Busch Stadium who fits this bill. To put it mildly I cannot stand Chris Duncan. Trust me when I say these feelings are not those of just the casual fan observing his play. Yes, I think he sucks donkey balls as a ball player, but mostly my personal interactions (yes, plural) with him have been horrific. Everything from watching him be a drunken idiot to witnessing him attempt to pick up my friends with the worst "don't you know who I am" type lines to seeing him be asked to leave bars to rude interactions with fans just wanting to say hello.

For those of you who missed it let me share with you what he felt was a grown up, appropriate World Series celebration activity. During the clubhouse party Mr. I Got My Job Because I Share My Daddy's Last Name decided it would be a good idea to pose using the World Series Trophy as a penis. Do not adjust your screens, you read that correctly. Chris Duncan really did dry hump the trophy, just like a 12 year old boy. What a douchebag.

To my extreme satisfaction the Riverfront Times has been doing an excellent job of making a fool out of this jackass the entire season. In case you have not had the pleasure of enjoying this weekly masterpiece, please do so now.