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My bags are packed (more than 20 minutes before I'm scheduled to leave, can you believe it?), I've finally purchased some presents, I've acquired three bottles of wine, I've secured a case of Winter Lager and I've found my fat pants. Yep, I'm ready. Bring on the festivities.
Let me share with you a few wonderful holiday thoughts from the world of Who in the Hell is Eddie.
"There better be some of that beer left for Christmas morning!""Feliz Naviblah. ... In American that means Christmas in Mexican."Even though you won't get the pleasure of sharing it with Elvis like myself, I hope you all have fabulous festivities and may all your holiday wishes come true! :-)
December 19th and all through the house not a present was bought. Nothing. Nada. Nil. All the creatures of the house were stirring; stirring with a "holy shit, I only have four days to do this!" fear. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, but not even a lump of coal for St. Nick to find when he was there. There were no children snug in their beds (mostly because I have none), no visions of sugar plums dancing in my head and certainly no settling down for a long winter's nap. For I have not purchased one damn present. Did you hear me? It's December 19th and I have not purchased one damn present! Who Does That?
Picture it; Springfield, Saturday night, Buffalo Wild Wings, friends are hanging out, watching basketball, playing video poker, the beer is flowing, the shots are making their rounds, the mood is light, the laugh factor is high, times are good.
Suddenly the conversation amongst the three women turns to sex. It is discovered that one of these women does not currently own, nor has she ever owned, a much needed piece of property in every single gal’s life; the vibrator. Much to the dismay of the other two women she goes on to explain that while she enjoys sex, she has always been too embarrassed and shy to make the purchase. Well, this revelation does not sit well with the non shy women. They know of the vibrator and its wonderment. They insist this simply must not go on and demand to take their friend shopping the next morning for her very first little friend.
The next morning comes and shy woman is overly excited. She texts messages her friend at 10:00 and says “Are you up and ready yet? I am”. Now her friend wants to make sure she discovers the pleasure, but she also loves her hangover sleep. Nevertheless, she rolls out of bed and meets her friend to eat some lunch then hit the vibrator store.
Good thing she agreed to go along, too. Not only was the vibrator virgin scared and embarrassed, but she was also bad with decisions. She was picking up stuff that was too small, not waterproof, had scary animals on it, too hard, etc. However, after a good forty-five minutes she finally made a decent purchase; a nice, tame, starter, not too much, waterproof number. The store even included batteries. How nice of them.
Now, I cannot name names but after all that fretting I hear that she now demands more power. Sounds like she should have been introduced a long time ago.Moral of the story: Never deny yourself the pleasure of the vibrator.
*Gets up from desk, walks to office white board, uncaps red Dry Erase marker, groans at co-worker making deliberately loud noises while laughing, writes on board.*
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
I will no longer participate in free drinks Ladies' Night.
*Replaces cap on marker, returns to desk, groans at co-worker again, pops two more Extra Strength Tylenol, lays head on desk while co-worker points and laughs, gives co-worker the finger.*
I'm only as strong as the cocktails I drink, the hairspray I use, and the girlfriends I have.
Tonight begins the three day bon voyage extravaganza for a very dear friend. We've been through everything together. We've survived junior high, high school, broken engagements, hosting parties, close friends being sent off to the military, Bob Ross type activities, snakes getting loose from their cages during Bob Ross type activities and me freaking the hell out about it, cheating boyfriends, being forced to do shots of cheap tequila from measuring cups because we didn't have shot glasses, college, the tragic death of a dear sweet friend, falling off coolers while attempting to dance on them, the horrors of a first skinny dipping experience and even an unplanned pregnancy that turned out to be the greatest thing ever to happen to my friend.
She is moving away to be with her future husband. I'm so happy for her, but I will miss her deeply. We'll still talk and see each other quite often, as she must bring her daughter down to see her daddy, but it won't be the same.
So, here's to you Ms. Best Times of Dana's Lifer. See you tonight at ladies night. ;)
"If you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...passes you by." ~ Dermot Mulroney as Michael O'Neal in My Best Friend's Wedding
Why is it that saying those three little, but all important, words is such a scary prospect? I'm told it's the fear of not hearing them in return. No, I'm not told that; I know that to be true. But, for some reason, that's exactly what I did to someone who means the world to me last night. I feel awful. Not because I don't have the same feelings, but because I do have the same feelings and just freaked out. I was completely taken aback that someone so wonderful would desire to say that to me. I smiled, I told him how unbelievably happy he makes me everyday, I told him how I can't get through the day without hearing his voice, I even cried a few tears of happiness and I smiled some more. But I never said it back!
What is wrong with you, Hera? He's not the past. He's not the two men who hurt you beyond belief. He's not the reason you have built a giant brick wall around your heart; he's the person who has brought that wall crashing down. He's the reason you can't stop smiling every minute of every day. He's the person who makes you feel like you're all that matters; you're his world. He's the person who lets you talk about random nothingness, and finds humor in it. He's the person who leaves you short, and completely sweet, messages just to let you know he's thinking about you. He's the person who puts your happiness before his own. He's the person who gives you reason to get out of bed every morning. What is wrong with you, Dana? You love him too, so why didn't you say it back?
To the light of my days....
You mean everything to me. You bring me more happiness than I ever thought possible. Everyday I find myself asking if I dreamed you up, but much to my delight, you are indeed real. My days don't start until you say good morning and they can't end until you say goodnight. I love you, too. And I can't wait until I can say that in person.
Oh my avid readers (I think you exist), I apologize for the weeklong absence of blog entries. It has been a crazy week; everything from insane amounts of work to the flu to the sudden and unexpected passing of a dear friend of the family.
I heard from the potential job and the news was not what I had hoped. For those of you not in the know, it was not so much of a job but more of an internship with a AAA baseball team. In the end, I am actually somewhat flattered by the "too much experience, it's a bit beneath you" reason. I half expected that, but you never know until you try right? What's meant to be will be and I am now shifting my thoughts to other possibilities. The only thing I know for sure is that I am unhappy with the opportunities here and am in dire need of a change in scenery. Where? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure it matters. There's this awesome wall map in the room next to my office; I'm beginning to like the idea of just tossing a dart at the map and moving wherever it lands.
Thank you all again for your well wishes and I'm sure I'll be asking you again when the next interview comes along. And I promise the next blog entry will not be over a week away.
